If getting laid was like selling memberships to pornsites....

**Jman** · 07-29-2005, 12:33 AM

Dude I think you should come up to Canadia... We need to hook up ;-)

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 12:38 AM

Wow, wasn't I just there? I'm staying home for a while.

I'm afraid I can't make Miami, but I'll see you in Amsterdam in Sept!

**BellaSeaira** · 07-29-2005, 12:48 AM

lol that was great..

**mkx** · 07-29-2005, 12:53 AM

lol that was a good one

**Bake** · 07-29-2005, 12:58 AM

Originally posted by Lightspeed

CCbill scrub = Ron Cadwell is there, showing off his bling bling watch

CCbill scrub = she wants you bad but as hard as you try she just keeps rejecting you.

**zvik** · 07-29-2005, 01:01 AM

If all this was true you'd probably find yourself in bed with a man

**perfectodollars-gabrio** · 07-29-2005, 01:21 AM

the last one was priceless!

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 01:23 AM

Last one:

You have freaky, kinky, crazy, interracial sex = CCbills pays via Epassporte

**reynold** · 07-29-2005, 01:36 AM

LoLs! that's funny. :D

**Major (Tom)** · 07-29-2005, 01:54 AM

Steve, those are some great analogies man.
very clever

Duke

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 11:12 AM

Bump for the day crew, in case you missed it

**STTBoss** · 07-29-2005, 11:12 AM

OK, here is one more:

29th rebill = She probably forgot she is still with you, but you keep fucking her once a month while she is on crack

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 11:13 AM

Here's another

CCbill scrub = you are doing great with her, but Ron is there handing out brochures about promiscuity and STDS

**alexg** · 07-29-2005, 11:18 AM

awesome

**Jakke PNG** · 07-29-2005, 11:29 AM

submitting a gallery = You're drunk as fuck and hoping the doorman lets you in
submitting a gallery with partner account = You're drunk as fuck and know the doorman, he might still not let you in.
paid gallery spot = You're drunk as fuck but the doorman owes you one.

**corvette** · 07-29-2005, 11:39 AM

Originally posted by Lightspeed

Scumware = she fucks someone who is just pretending to be you

let me amend this one:

scumware = you take her home and later, you walk her out the door when she is leaving...but a few nights later you notice your closet door is cracked open, your drawers ruffled through and your credit cards rearranged in your wallet

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 11:41 AM

Prechecked cross sell = all your friends fuck her after she passes out

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 11:46 AM

Selling your member list = writing her phone number on the mens room wall

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 11:49 AM

Emailing your ex-members = drunken midnight booty call

**Rui** · 07-29-2005, 11:51 AM

lol nice one :p

**Rinaldo** · 07-29-2005, 11:52 AM

Blind link = Your friends set you up with a hot chick but she wasn't told you were fat so she leaves

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 11:58 AM

affiliate program = you give your best pickup lines to your buddy (free content), pay his way into the club (free hosting), and even buy all the drinks he wants (free hosted galleries), and let him fuck her at your house (your paysite)

revshare = she gives you head while he's fucking her, every time
pps = you get sloppy seconds, but she's yours after the first time

**jaYMan** · 07-29-2005, 11:59 AM

My dick would be sore ;)

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 12:02 PM

Typein traffic = you were the best fuck she ever had

or

she read YOUR number on the bathroom wall

**Manowar** · 07-29-2005, 12:05 PM

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 12:07 PM

These are too easy, they practically write themselves

**Shoplifter** · 07-29-2005, 12:17 PM

Ibill steals all your rebills = You get arrested for 2257 violations and get repeatedly Dirty Sanchez'd in the pen.

**ninavain** · 07-29-2005, 01:29 PM

Originally posted by Lightspeed

Thats more like a server crash after the sale.

wouldn't a cross sale mean= you fucked her and her brother.

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 01:32 PM

all the infected chicks in the bar are clearly marked = ccbill and epoch share the negative scrub list

**High Quality** · 07-29-2005, 01:33 PM

Steve that is hilarious.

Originally posted by Lightspeed

Getting listed on a big tgp = going to a club

Getting a gallery view = making eye contact

Getting a click through to the tour = talking to a hot girl

Closes the tour without a sale, pops exit console = She's not into you. Introduce her to your friends as a favor to them.

Click through to the join page = she's interested

Fills out the join form = she's partying back at your place

Sale declined by bank = she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend

Bank error = she forgot she was on her period

Making a trial sale = she gives you a handjob

Making a full sale = getting laid

Void = she fucks you, but won't let you cum

Sale that cancels before first rebill = one night stand

Failed Rebill = She wants you to call, but you lost her number

Rebill = you fuck her again

Refund = she tells you that you are lousy in bed

Chargeback = she tells everyone you know that you are lousy in bed

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 01:33 PM

getting signups from a carder = fucking a hooker who has VD

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 01:35 PM

Low CCbill scrub = Ron points out all the slutty chicks

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 01:43 PM

Damn, is this thing ON? These are GOLD I tell you.. GOLD!

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 01:51 PM

impression = you look good
raw hit = she looks at you
unique hit = she smiles at you
2ndpage hit = she talks to you
join page hit = she's into you
join = score!

**Doctor Dre** · 07-29-2005, 01:53 PM

Somebody had a lot of time alone with not much work to do ...

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 01:55 PM

Originally posted by Doctor Dre

Somebody had a lot of time alone with not much work to do ...

Yeah, I'm bored. And people keep icqing me new ones to add.

**Basic_man** · 07-29-2005, 01:56 PM

Mouhahahaha, that's too funny. Some times you must get out of the porn industry and enjoy real life :P

**strobi** · 07-29-2005, 02:04 PM

hahaha Steve, you're on the roll! nice one!

**Trax** · 07-29-2005, 02:19 PM

haha nice list

**JJ Gold** · 07-29-2005, 02:27 PM

Lightspeed is also a comedy genius!

**Rand** · 07-29-2005, 02:31 PM

Steve - This is the funniest thing I've read all year.

This deserves some kind of award.
*Right Click* [SAVE]

**Nasty D** · 07-29-2005, 02:42 PM

Rebill = you fuck her again, but she doesn't really get much out of it

LOL

**Yanks_Todd** · 07-29-2005, 02:45 PM

Unauthorized Redirect= Her best friend decides it's time to expolre her bi-curiousity

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 02:45 PM

bookmarker = fuck buddy

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 02:46 PM

Originally posted by Rand

Steve - This is the funniest thing I've read all year.

This deserves some kind of award.
*Right Click* [SAVE]

Thanks Rand!

**wedouglas** · 07-29-2005, 02:47 PM

Well, then im about 120 fucks under what I should be this month...

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 02:48 PM

Going to a different bar (or city) hoping to have better luck = switching sponsors or processors

**SteveLightspeed** · 07-29-2005, 02:51 PM

0:10,000 conversions = you have food in your teeth, wrong clothes, unzipped fly, bad hair, horrible acne, thick glasses, and toilet paper stuck to your shoe

**BradM** · 07-29-2005, 02:52 PM

That was REALLY funny!

**BradM** · 07-29-2005, 02:53 PM

Originally posted by Lightspeed

Going to a different bar (or city) hoping to have better luck = switching sponsors or processors

Switching from Lightspeed to Dormbucks = Screwing the ugly chick while you were drunk

If getting laid was like selling memberships to pornsites....

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment