Can I keep my laptop in prison? - GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum

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blackmonsters

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#1

Can I keep my laptop in prison?

07-17-2005, 05:31 PM

I know that during "booking" and when in "holding cells" the prison guards take all your valuables(even shoe strings in some places). Already did that one. hehehe.
But when a prisoner gets assigned an actual cell can they have access to something like a laptop that they own?

I'm thinking of beating the shit out of someone and I want to check my stats while I do 6 months.

Good luck.
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brand0n

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#2

07-17-2005, 05:32 PM

ofcourse

you also get steak dinner, followed by romatic strolls down ass fucking lane

want to buy this spot for cheap? it is of course for sale. long term deals are always the best bet. brand0n/ at/ a o l dot commies.
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Spunky

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#3

07-17-2005, 05:33 PM

I don't see why not..prisoners get treated much better than the regular law abiding citizens

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#4

07-17-2005, 05:34 PM

Yep. and now you dont have to date bubba, there are at least 4 others to choose from.

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Pipecrew

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#5

07-17-2005, 05:34 PM

If you had a laptop, they'd kill you in 40 seconds because they'd want to play solitaire on it.
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sonofsam

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#6

07-17-2005, 05:34 PM

you can't have computers... in certain minimum security places you might be able to get a computer but no internet connection..

however you get a catalogue and you can buy shit through the jail.. like an xbox or ps2 etc.. you can't bring your own possesions in... you have to order shit throug hthe jail (overpriced) and from the places they have contracts with

I like turtles.
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blackmonsters

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#7

07-17-2005, 05:37 PM

Originally posted by brand0n

ofcourse

you also get steak dinner, followed by romatic strolls down ass fucking lane

Well, you can fuck your wife or girlfriend in jail. It's called conjucal visits.
And I did hear about imates suing for cable and winning.

Good luck.
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blackmonsters

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#8

07-17-2005, 05:40 PM

Originally posted by Pipecrew

If you had a laptop, they'd kill you in 40 seconds because they'd want to play solitaire on it.

I'd be doing time in Hawaii aint no killers in jail here; they all work for the police.

Good luck.
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CheneyRumsfeld

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#9

07-17-2005, 05:43 PM

you will be lucky to keep your clothes and "virginity"
its a prison dude, not a business school.
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MikeVega

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#10

07-17-2005, 05:45 PM

I know a guy that is in a fed prison for 5 years ... he has access to a PC ... not sure if it's his own ..maybe in a library .... not sure ... but a 6 month run would be in a local lock up and i know you can't have shit there ... any thing under a year i believe you stay in a county jail ... at least that's the way it is here ...

I can tell ya that he has his own tv in his room ...

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llporter

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#11

07-17-2005, 05:47 PM

Your checking your stats from the library dude.
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blackmonsters

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#12

07-17-2005, 05:48 PM

Can I check my stats with a palm pilot?
I could shove one up my ass and smuggle it in to prison.

Good luck.
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CheneyRumsfeld

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#13

07-17-2005, 05:49 PM

first day tell all the inmates you know Martha Stewart from Camp Cupcake fame.
that should keep them off you.
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xenigo

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#14

07-17-2005, 05:50 PM

No they don't let you have a computer in jail, dipshit. I had to beg for my wallet to get my damn credit card, so I could pay my fucking bail. They most certainly would not let you have a notebook.

Anyway, when you're in prison, the purpose of being in prison is to ruine your life. Not enhance it with luxury / entertainment devices.
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MikeVega

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#15

07-17-2005, 05:52 PM

Originally posted by blackmonsters

Can I check my stats with a palm pilot?
I could shove one up my ass and smuggle it in to prison.

now that may work .... and I'm sure the idiots running the prison have open wireless networks like crazy ...

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CheneyRumsfeld

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#16

07-17-2005, 05:53 PM

Originally posted by blackmonsters

Can I check my stats with a palm pilot?
I could shove one up my ass and smuggle it in to prison.

their is a very good chance by the time you get out you will be able to fit an entire network up there.
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MikeVega

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#17

07-17-2005, 05:54 PM

Originally posted by xenigo

No they don't let you have a computer in jail, dipshit. I had to beg for my wallet to get my damn credit card, so I could pay my fucking bail. They most certainly would not let you have a notebook.

Anyway, when you're in prison, the purpose of being in prison is to ruine your life. Not enhance it with luxury / entertainment devices.

were you in a county lock up ..a holding cell at the court ... a state prison or a Federal prison .... How long were you there ... this all matters ... In a Fed prison you have access to more then you think ..

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sonofsam

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#18

07-17-2005, 06:02 PM

and this is very important, first day in jail... go up to the biggest guys and call them PC RAT GOOF SKINNERS..

trust me... its initiation and they'll accept you as one of their own

I like turtles.
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blackmonsters

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#19

07-17-2005, 06:05 PM

Originally posted by CheneyRumsfeld

their is a very good chance by the time you get out you will be able to fit an entire network up there.

That was funnier than what mvega said so I'll responed to this one.

Good luck.
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blackmonsters

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#20

07-17-2005, 06:12 PM

But seriously; I have to kick this guys ass in a mean fucking way and he's a friend so it's not like he wouldn't be able to identify me. Besides, I'm going to tell all our mutual friends after I beat the shit out of him anyway.

It just sucks not being able to check stats for six months.
maybe if I just know out a few teeth with two right hooks I will only get "community sevice". But that not really the simple kind of beating I'm planning on.
I mean I expect any female witness on the scene to be screaming out in terror like "Please don't kill him".

This situation is fucked up!!!!!!

Good luck.
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xenigo

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#21

07-17-2005, 06:18 PM

Why do you 'have to' fuck this guy up so bad, anyway? I've never heard of someone needing to do such a thing in any logically thought-out manner.
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Axeman

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#22

07-17-2005, 06:24 PM

you wont get to many luxuries as if you serve less then 366 days your in county jail and that means you get some food and magazines etc but certainly no personal computers and such. If you get 366 days or more, then off to Fed prision you go, where you will get more luxury for personal items but I still doubt they would allow a laptop.

Probably best to just skip the beating and the 6 months jail time.

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blackmonsters

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#23

07-17-2005, 06:29 PM

Originally posted by xenigo

Why do you 'have to' fuck this guy up so bad, anyway? I've never heard of someone needing to do such a thing in any logically thought-out manner.

Because while he was waiting at my place for me to pick up this chick who wanted to give me some pussy and smoke some weed and for me to go to the ATM machine so he could borrow $40, he smoked all my weed.
When I balded up my fist and said "where's my fucking weed?" he ran out and I haven't seen him in two weeks.

And before you get into a tiffy; when's the last time someone smoked all yur weed? huh? Yeah...think about it.

Good luck.
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sonofsam

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#24

07-17-2005, 06:32 PM

haha alright buddy... friends don't fuck up friends... but anyways you want to do it without getting in trouble call in a favor from an out of town friend.... and put aside your bragging to your mutual friends... but keep in mind you will owe a favor back, and you can't decide if you want to do it or not....

i hope its not over something stupid... like a girl....

I like turtles.
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blackmonsters

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#25

07-17-2005, 06:32 PM

Originally posted by Axeman

Probably best to just skip the beating and the 6 months jail time.

That's the craziest shit I ever heard. "Skip the beating"...what you smoking?

Good luck.
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sonofsam

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#26

07-17-2005, 06:32 PM

Originally posted by blackmonsters

Because while he was waiting at my place for me to pick up this chick who wanted to give me some pussy and smoke some weed and for me to go to the ATM machine so he could borrow $40, he smoked all my weed.
When I balded up my fist and said "where's my fucking weed?" he ran out and I haven't seen him in two weeks.

And before you get into a tiffy; when's the last time someone smoked all yur weed? huh? Yeah...think about it.

okay disregard everything i've said... that is the most hurting thing i've ever heard.

and i'm not talking about your friend jacking you... i'm talking about how you associate with low class people like that, that steal from eachother.. and friends beating up friends.. have fun buddy.

I like turtles.
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Axeman

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#27

07-17-2005, 06:35 PM

You should have said it was over weed in the first place man. You tell the judge that and you will get the charges dropped instantly. So go ahead and do your thing.

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blackmonsters

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#28

07-17-2005, 06:37 PM

Originally posted by sonofsam

... friends don't fuck up friends...

You're insane!!

Originally posted by sonofsam

... i hope its not over something stupid... like a girl....

Dude, I said it was about weed! ALRIGHT!!!

Good luck.
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sonofsam

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#29

07-17-2005, 06:40 PM

have fun... do me a favor and tell everyone in jail that you got a lesser sentance because you were a police informant

I like turtles.
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reynold

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#30

07-17-2005, 06:55 PM

hahaha, you can keep your laptop there, and you could bring your G.I. Joe's too.
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blackmonsters

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#31

07-17-2005, 06:57 PM

Ok, I can end this bullshit sharade now. It was good for a couple of laughs though!

I was roflamo.

Sigh! Gotta go do some work.

Good luck.
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