im bored... tell me your favourite joke

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend . . . . . . . . . . . . ?

He wiped his ass

just look into the mirror....

so mean

What is the difference between a straight rooster and a gay rooster?






The straight rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo and the gay rooster says any-cock-will-doo!!!!!!!

This is said to be the "dirtiest joke" so proceed with caution if you are an uptight person.





A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The Father then yells out "Men and Women in the Workplace" Then they all suddenly strip of their clothing and take their positions. The girls lay down on their backs when the men stand over top of them. Then the men begin to piss all over the mother and daughter. While the women the spin and flop around like a freshly caught fish. The dog then moves from mother to daughter licking the piss off their bodies.

Then the father yells "America's Melting Pot" The son then shouts out "White American!". Then the daughter grabs a spiked dildo out of her purse on the floor then starts ramming it into her vagina. Faster, Faster, harder, harder, until blood is gushing out of her snatch. She then promptly rolls around in it and smears it all over her face and body. She then stands up and Yells "Native American"

The Mother then Squats down and proceeds to take a huge shit. A mind blowing mega gynormous monster shit complete with peanut eyes and corny mouth. She then drops down and rubs it all over her body. So there is shit all over her legs arms tits ass and face. She then stands up and yells, "African American."

The Father then grabs a giant jug of cold beans and proceeds to chug the whole jug. Seconds later regurgitating this nasty light brown bean barf all over the floor. He then Rubs it all over his body. Slopping this brown bean covered yak into every crevice of his frame. Then he goes to his wifes monster shit and sticks his finger in. Then smears it across his chin. Giving himself a nice Dirty Sanchez Mustache. He then stands up and yells "I am a Mexican American!"

Then the get in a circle with a dog in between them and salute it while they hum Hail to the Chief" They all cry out, "Welcome Mr President" Then mother then bends down and starts jerking off the dog while the daughter begings licking its nuts. The father then starts fucking the dog in the ass while the son starts fucking its mouth. Then after the father and the son and the dog come at the same time they light the dog on fire.

Stil in a circle they begin to sing god bless America while stroking their privates afterward they march around the funeral pyre with the mother in front and the father in the rear and a fist in each asshole. Then they roll around on the charred dead dog remains and feces and cum and blood and begin to suck and fuck and shit and piss for 2 hours. Then when its all said and done they collect the shit in the bucket, drape a flag over it, and march it out of the room. They all then return and say, "Tada!"

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

------------------------

There was a thread about this earlier with the south park clip

lol

here lemme share one...

Two brothers were always getting into trouble in their neighborhood. The people in the neighborhood started complaining to the parents about the boys. So the boys parents decided to have their priest talk to the boys. The priest asks to speak to the boys alone, requesting to see the youngest first. The young boy comes in and sits at a large table across the room from the priest. The priest looks at the boy, points at him and, trying to emphasize that God is in everyone, asks, "Where is God?" The boy looks around the room and back at the priest and says nothing. Again, the priest points at the boy and in a louder voice asks, "Where is God?" The boy says nothing. The priest walks around the table, pointing inches from the boy?s face and asks again, "Where is God?" The boy jumps out of his chair and runs out the door. The boy runs right home, grabs his older brother and says to him, "We are in BIG trouble!" His brother replies, "We haven't done anything!" The younger brother replies, "God's missing, and they think we did it!"

Old... but good
---

On a sunny deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following folks were to be found:-

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 American men and 1 American woman

2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later, the following things had occurred:

- One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

- The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in
a menage-a-trois.

- The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits
with the German woman.

- The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.

- The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
English woman.

- The 2 Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one
look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.

- The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the
American woman keeps on bitching about her body, the true nature of
feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, the necessity of
fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees
make her look fat, how her LAST boyfriend respected her opinion and treated
her much nicer than THEY do, and how her relationship with her mother is
improving. But at least the taxes are low and it is not raining.

- The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.

- The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting
up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it
gets sort of foggy after the first few litters of coconut whiskey,but they
are satisfied because at least the English aren't getting laid.

Seven Dwarfs in the bath - all feeling happy.
Happy got out and they all felt grumpy.

stfu noob

there was this chick.. she wanted mydick so i fucked her

damnit! i enjoyed the shits! hahaha

Q: What do you say when your girlfriend comes to you with two black eyes?
A: Nothing... You already told that bitch TWICE!


Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she comes home from the battered wives shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows whats good for her.

some words were edited....

Why do women wear make up and prefume?








Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

leave me out of it.

No offence Grumpy - all those dwarfs "feeeeeeeling" you.

hmmmm Nice Eh?

LOL

Why do blondes dial 911?







Coz there's no # 11 on the phone...rolledeye..uuhhh crap..

George Bush









The End

How do you get an Irish man to burn his ear? (replace with blond, female, or whatever floats your boat)


















Call Him up while hes ironing.