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I hear that if you buy a cat you?ll risk dying in the middle of the night because the cat likes to take your breath away by wrapping it?s paws around your neck and right when you wake up in a haze and see the cat choking you to death you struggle only to realize that the cat has tied you down to your bed, making you unable to move. Then as you slowly die your last thoughts are ?why the fuck did I have to be a retard and buy that cat??.
But that?s not the end of it you see. Cats don?t just stop at killing you, oh no, not by a long shot. The cat will then put a bag around your head and tie it fairly tight and unzip your pants and push them down past your ankles. He?ll then use your lube and squirt it all over your limp cock and your hand and leave your hand close to your dick, making whoever discovers your body believe that you died by autoerotic asphyxiation, making you a laughing stock even in death.
So do yourself and your family some good friend: Don?t buy a fucking cat, however big or however small. They ALL want to kill you and make it look like you accidentally killed yourself while jerking off.
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