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Cats often kill their owners in their sleep. They have also been known in the past to kill babies by smothering them to death with pillows. Occasionally, cats will group together in what is commonly known as a felidae rape gang, in which they will forcibly mate with any human female they see. Did you know that cat fur has been known to induce heart failure in humans? Just last week alone the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have responded to 312 cases of people dying to the deadly motaba virus, commonly carried by cats. Although all cats should be considered extremely dangerous in all circumstances, black cats are overly aggressive when compared to the more docile european cats.
In recent months, the FDA has warned against people using Dextromethorphan while in vicinity of cats as their dander has been known to create hallucinations while using the drug, often times leading to mass hysteria and psychosis. The terror alert was raised to the maximum level today, Hello Kitty Pink, when cats seized control of a munitions lab in Destin, Florida. Do not attempt to engage these cats if seen, it is believed that these felines are armed and extremely dangerous and should not be approached under any circumstance. If you see any of these terrorist kitties, please alert your local homeland security agency as soon as humanely possible.
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