None of that is what you said in your original post. You said

How does "up until she met you" translate into "he/she was banging their ex during the first few weeks you were dating."?

No matter, I'm out. :)

The arguement could also be made that several disasters have happened from people assuming that they had exclusive relationships when the other person was assuming that they did not.

Best course to remedy all that is to communicate. :)

I find that in relationships, these days especially, trust is a fragile thing. Here you have a situation where while you were dating and getting to know one another your prospective other was secretly still sleeping with their ex-other. One may conjur up images of some of those dates you had or that night you spent snuggling on the couch in the 2nd week and then him/her leaving to supposedly go home but instead they went for a booty call.

People do imagine all sorts of things, it's certainly not uncommon.

I also find that there are people who aren't looking for those little red flags that should be, and there are many who are so distrusting they are overly looking to find fault and causes for concern at every turn.

Being single and dating really is a chess match of sorts.

as long as she did stop the second we started dating, there wouldnt be anything to do or say imho

Yeah i would certainly be pissed off.

I also said:which clearly says "from the time you (they) started being exclusive"... which leaves a length of time where they were merely dating and getting to know each other, no?

I hope it's to go out and enjoy the day and not because you are frustrated with me. :D

(we're just talking here, right?)

personally, i always find relationships and peoples views on relationships to be very interesting. you would think that people would kinda have it figured out after 10-20 million years... but anywhere you look, there isn't much evidence to support that notion.

as with any living organism, we are all selfish. everything we do from morning to night is selfish in nature. relationships are selfish in nature. they are about fulfilling selfish needs under the guise of "love", "finding love" etc. often, those needs are very unhealthy, yet we have no problem convincing ourselves that its ok or rationalizing that our behaviors/relationships are normal. that to me, explains the different views. i think that for the most part, everyone is more trying to validate their own feelings/behaviors/insecurities/paranoia more than they are trying to step back and just take an honest, objective, complete look at the situation.

Kinda sounds more often than not that this is used as a loophole for those who want to "have their cake and eat it too".

A bit of a dismal view, but essentially correct in a general kind of way I suppose.

I have however met some pretty caring and kind, giving women over the years who think of others and the needs of others before their own, but in general I'd say that what you just said applies to a good many people.

As for how what you said applies to this situation, one could be inclined to say that the very act of availing oneself of the availability of their ex for convenient "safe" gratification of their urges is in itself very selfish. While others would say it would be stupid NOT to, I find the space between those two views to be miles long and frankly, quite amusing. :D

If she is really "the girl of your dreams," you do whatever you need to do to keep her. All within reason, of course.

That means cutting her some slack.

i would dump her, there is no way in a committed realationship that you should be sleeping with others.

people should be honest from the get go, i know it is hard to say to someone "i am still banging my ex husband" but this way no one gets hurt and both sides can also have their little flings on the side.

if a girl cheated on me it means she is not an honest person, and honesty is a huge quality a girl must have for me.

You should hire n|ggers and castrate him just in case

Is it really cheating if she does it while the two of you are "just dating"?

I honestly had no idea those answering "no" to that question would outnumber the yes camp.

it depends then, i can tell when the line has been set of being committed.

if it is at that early stage then no it is not cheating, depends when the guidelines were set and what the guidelines are.

PS

this thread is about you are your roast beef ass girlfriend isnt it?

no, it's not cheating - when you meet someone their dating history is none of your business - what matters is the current relationship and the boundaries you both choose to place on it - ultimately I personally believe all relationships should be "open" anyways, but that's a whole other story :winkwink:

ha ha, no. I'm thinking about making an assault on your girlfriend's roast beef pussy though and thought I'd do a little research on it first.

I see you'd be okay with it. :pimp

You lost me . . . she was banging the ex until you arrived. What was she supposed to do, do out and find someone else to bang until she found you?

She could bang anyone and get HIV. I would think an ex would be someone you could trust a little more than some guy she picked up in a bar.

As long as she's not doing him anymore I say its no prob

If you are not exclusive, you are not exclusive. Have none of you juggled girlfriends/boyfriends?

Same as above.

:thumbsup

If you are not exclusive, you are not exclusive. Have none of you juggled girlfriends/boyfriends?

Same as above.

:thumbsup

Read you the first time. :D


So you are okay if a chick you're seeing is screwing her ex while "just dating" you, doesn't tell you until 2 months into the relationship when you are exclusive. That too is interesting.

I would have thought you'd be in the "I'd cut the bitch loose" camp.



Cool. Anyone else?

well, considering that it was BEFORE she met the guy, it really doesn't matter. just my two cents anyways.

I think baddog gave up looking for a "love" type relationship a long time ago. I don't blame him really but from what he posts he doesn't seem to be looking for "the one".

Who has time for that? I barely have time for one.

I am not really into "relationships." I always try to make sure my g/f's live at least 300 miles away.

Quite perceptive.

If it happens, it happens, but I most certainly am not "looking" for it.

The secret is letting them know from the gate that they are just one you are seeing.

When it gets fun is when three of them are at the same bar together and one is slightly psycho.

i dont think its dismal at all. i think it is what it is. "to love" as a verb means basically means nothing more than treating someone in a certain way to elicit a response from that person which gives YOU a feeling of safety and security in the relationship... and to cause them to become emotionally dependent on you

i think that "loving someone" is nothing more than manipulation for selfish reasons. of course, its a bit like calling a retarded kid retarded. its not acceptable or politically correct and no doubt, anyone would read that and react with defensive remarks.... but the facts do not change, no matter how we want to dress them up or romanticize them. at the end of the day, we are just baboons trying to get by in life and convince ourselves that we aren't baboons.

Do you think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them?

i think "being in love" is nothing more than finding the fulfillment of ones own emotional needs... no matter what they might be and no matter how unhealthy they might be (i.e. women who seek out abusive relationships etc)

i would characterize one as manipulation

the other as being manipulated.

i would also say that i am not saying its a bad thing or negative thing. just saying thats how i see it.

i believe that i love my wife. but relationships are what they are... they are two people in a state of emotional co-dependence.

Sorry but the way you put it sounds quite dismal to me just the same. :1orglaugh

Good posts though.

Depends... thought she may be the woman of your dreams, but was she supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with you? If not... all best are off.

Of course there is. I love my father but I'm not IN love with him - eww!! :helpme

I think as I get older I tend to not really give a shit if someone's seeing someone else if we haven't agreed to be exclusive. Ditto I will continue to see others too. And if someone doesn't like it, I've also found that there's another guy about 2 steps away from the one you're seeing if the guy you're with isn't happy with things :)

I guess that's it right there... it's the fact that there's a difference between "seeing someone else" and fucking someone else while dating you* that has some people being not too crazy about the idea.



*You as in you all, as in anyone.

I probably prefer it.

TBH, I would rather someone be screwing their old ex with no emotion while we're not exclusive than taking the time to actually DATE someone. Dating is somehow more intimate than just screwing.

I have just decided being raised by a male has really skewed my estrogen :disgust

I knew there would be certain given exceptions to the question. You for example, and also people who are into swinging and devoted to the open lifestyle (like Badmunchkin mentioned earlier). Most of those types probably wouldn't mind if their partner had had sex with an ex during the dating process early-on.


But among the non-baddog's and non-swinging crowd the two sides are quite polarized if what's been posted here so far is any indication.

Personally speaking, having sex with someone means something. I prefer to have it with someone I truly care about and want to invest time and energy into building something with. Having meaningless sex with someone I otherwise don't have any interest in is to me just that... meaningless, and empty. Just to fill a need? Please, I can visit the palm sisters until I meet someone I want to be with. I don't see where it's too much to ask that the lady have similar values.

That might make a few of the so-called "tuff" guys here want to vomit violently, but I'm willing to take that risk. :D

But whether you disagree and think it's not big deal and would accept a woman regardless, or you feel so against it that you would dump her makes little difference to me, I'm not judging anyone. Again, I go on the premise of what works for you is what is right.


If anyone else has an opinion on this I'd love to hear it.

I still love you.

Bonus: Almost all of my ex's are married, which is one line I WON'T cross, so you don't have to worry about me sleeping with them :thumbsup

but I do still keep up with them - sorry!