Fuck mate, I ain't even half way through the REAl questions yet !!!
But you do have an unacnny knack for picking soem of the more "eventful" moments... and this is worth a re-tell.....
For those of you who came in late, I lived in the Philippines for 6 months in 2005 (NOT Thailnd Stef, but same shit, different day really).
None of this Makati City, Manila shit for me (no offence, Dee, Rick, Nick et al), but I didn't want some sugar coated experience like some webmasters who post pics of their room on the 27th floor of some hotel in Makati as part of their "3rd World Adventure".....
So off I went to Angeles City, 2 1/2 hours north of Manila, and the Wild fucking west.
Now, I am twice the height and 5 times the size of the average Filipino, and I am 20 years younger and MUCH better looking than the average expat or tourist.
I also foolishly bought into a girlie bar, which was a huge mistake, and one I rectified not more than 6 weeks after by selling my share to the next unsuspecting hero.
I had a house in a sub-division, and that was a trike ride from where the party was at on Fields Avenue that cost like 100 pesos.
I always gave the regular drivers that I knew 150, just to be a nice guy.
Anyway, this one morning, daylight, I staggered out of a friends bar at the tail end of a particularly nasty 3 day/night benderb and jumped into the nearest trike. It was a driver I knew and I just said takme home please - he knew where to go without me saying shit.
We got to my place and I was fishing in my pocket for some change when the little fuck said, "NO, today 500".
What ?
"500 peso"
Fuck of you stinking monkey hahahaha, it is ALWAYS 100 and I ALWAYS give you 150.
"NO NO NO, 500 pesos"
"Well you can get fucked, I'm not paying you a dime"
To whit, I got out, opened the door lock on my 10 foot razor wire topped cast iron gate and slammed it behind me.
I dunno whether it was 5 or 55 minutes later, but Danny came in and woke me by shaking the shit out of me.
"You'd better come outside real quick".
I sort of wobbled outside after him and he opened the peeker in the gate door and pointed to it.
Well I'll be fucked if there wasn't like 10 of the little bastards and a bunch of trikes and these guys with bolos (machete knives) and lumps of wood were all tring to climb trees toi get over the 10 foot razor wire topped brick wall.
Now I till had on my shirt and jeans and my socks, obviously I had fallen asleep with them all still on, which made sense, because I was still trashed.
I started to take my cloithes off and handed them to Danny. He looked at me funny and said, "What the..", I said, "Just shut up and hold my clothes will ya". The ground in Angeles City is still 80% compacted volcanic dust from the Mt Pinatubo eruption in the early 90's, I did not want them dirty.
So I gave Danny my underwear and then picked up a half-assed stick I saw on the ground.. it was a banana tree limb, so it was weak as piss.
I went to the door at the gate.. counted to 3 and then threw the door open, and then, completely naked armed with my trusty stick, I ran outside, screaming gibberish at the top of my lungs, chasing every random Filipinno I could see, MADLY swinging the stick around.
You have NEVER seen a bunch of people and trikes move so quickly, I sconed a couple (not hard, but hard enough), and they were all yellimng and screaming and running away and kick starting trikes and riding off at full speed.
It took about 4 minutes from whoa to go, but at that time, I was nakd in the middle of the street, with my stick and there ws not a monkey to be seen, even my neighbours went inot hiding.
I walked back inside handed Danny the stick, took my clothes and went to bed, where I slept for 2 days.
Before that incident, I was know as Big Kalbo, kalbo being the Tagalog word for bald guy. After that it was Big Crazy Kalbo.
And no trike driver EVER gave me so much as a sideways look ever again.
