13. Is it true you worked as a nanny?
Well I didn't work per se, but I was a Nanny for 9 months, yes.
It's actually how I first REALLY got started in this biz....
The mother of my youngest godchildren (at the time twin boys, Jack and Lawrence both 5 and my little Princess Stephanie age 3 1/2) got VERY ill and was confined to hospital for what looked like a LONG convalescence.
Their Dad, well let's just say that "Mr. Mom" he ain't.
So when I cam back from Pacific adventures, I moved in with him and the kids.
Approximately 7 minutes after moving in it was clear that I had to take control... the place was a 100%, no room for error, Bushian cluster fuck.
Let em tell you, he may look better, but Vin Diesel don't know shit when it comes to running a house and raising kids.
Within a week, the place was shipshape, the kids were regimented like they had just doen Special Forces bootcamp and the house was running in a mor than satisfactory manner.
By week 3, I had already done my first shift at the school tuckshop (cafeteria) and was doing Monday afternoon reading with Stephanies pre-school class.
Week 5, saw my first invitation to a "Mothers Morning Tea". I even baked a cake to take. Banana bread from memory.
In the 2nd month, I went to my first School "working bee" on a Saturday...
NONE of the husbands would talk to me - they were all certain that I was banging their wives stupid.
3 of them were right.
My funniest memory of the time was with little Steph. The little devil in the cute angel disguise that used to look up at me with those big cow eyes, and I would say, "Stephanie, what do I always tell you?" To have this sweet little 4 year old terrorist look back, frown, and say, "Emotional blackmail won't work because you aren't my Daddy".
Ah, the simple joys.
Very early in the piece, Stephanie took me to pre-school as her "Show and Tell".
How adorable, and how cool did I feel having this little kid I loved so much want to show off her Godfather and now Nanny.
I felt a million bucks.
She stood me up in front of the class and said, "this is Lindsay, he's looking after my brothers and me and he has this really cool tattoo of Bart Simpson on his bum. Show them Lindsay !"
As the visions of 25-life in Max security ran through my head for showing my ass to a room full of 4 year olds, I decided that discretion was the better part of valor.
I did see her teacher socially for a month or too soon thereafter though !!!
Unfortunately this story has a really sad footnote....
Last November, my little Mistress Stephanie, died suddenly from viral meningitis.
3 hours from "Mommy, I got a headache" to DOA at the hospital.
10 years old. A very sad time.
She would have liked that I write about her.
I think I'll take that Jager now...........
Life is hardly fair sometimes, so remember folks, you get to do-over and life itself is not a practice run.
Go hard or go the fuck home.
