Originally Posted by jlmthefiend

Yesterday, after having taken a dump at work, I wiped and all was well. While driving home from work, my ass really itched and I knew I had to get to the bathroom and do another wipe. Sitting in a fucking traffic jam didn't help matters either. By the time I got home, that BITCH of a wife was pissed about something and was acting like the total hahahaha that she is. So, I went up to the bedroom and took off her pillow case and wiped my ass with her pillow. Placed the pillow case back over it and put it on her side of the bed.
When she went to bed, looking like a fucking janitor, she turned her back to me and dozed off to sleep. She then turned at me and said "that fucking dog you love so much has shit in this room somewhere. It STINKS and I'm not putting up with it anymore. She got up and was looking under the bed for a dog turd. All over the room and she couldn't find one. Hops into bed and puts her head on the pillow. Again, she starts bitching that I smell like shit and to please get up and shower. I had to get up before I busted out laughing. Got into the shower just to humor her. Came back in and she now says she has to change the sheets because I made the room smell like shit. She changes the sheets and I grab the pillows and change the pillow cases, placing hers right back on her side. We get back into bed and she starts bitching about how I smell like shit. I told her if she didn't like the way I smell, to take her fucking pillow and go sleep in another room. Which she did. I hear her yelling in the other room that I made the WHOLE HOUSE smell like shit. I told her to just put her head on her pillow and shut the fuck up I'm trying to sleep.
This morning she found the huge shit stain on her pillow and blamed it on the dog.