Clean and sober... three words more powerful than life itself. Once sucked in, you're doomed. Some, due to pure luck, I think, never find the 'benefits' of substances. Others do. And for us it is an uncharted and most depressing ride down a long, dark tunnel. Seems so bright at points and for brief moments you feel as though you're riding on the wings of a golden angel, destined to find true bliss.
But then the crash comes. Harsh reality taps you on the shoulder and tells you things are not nearly as lovely as they were at the club that night when life was grand and everyone was your friend. Now you owe money, now you have strange phone numbers in your pocket, now you can't remember where the hell your car is, now you're waking up and finding out you're missing.... aw, screw it. You're waking up.
I've never been too far down the path. Had my moments (weekends) of true chemical washout, but never hit the truly heavy stuff. Something always steered me away, despite the (initial) free offerings of many different tasty selections. I stuck with the things I knew and let time pass by as the ATM card kept working so well.
All of a sudden it's Monday. Wow. Pain from falling, no clue where, shoots through my leg. Damn. Where'd I get a traffic cone from, why is the stereo still on, who put the rolling pin in the window, and honey, who shrunk the kids?
Have I been down rock road, heroin avenue or meth boulevard? No, I have not. Have I partied with Charlie, found salvation in ecstasy, climbed mushroom mountain, hung out with cousin Sid, and consumed alcohol as though it was oxygen?
Damn right I have. And you know what? I'm proud to say I survived. I'm not clean and sober these days. I still have a few cocktails during the week and once in a while I like to roll into a club... but I'm nothing like the stupid fuck I was two years ago.
Hell no. I'd rather die than go back.
To all of you who have seen worse than I have, congratulations on making it back. I never want to be where you have been.
To all those reading this thread and thinking it can never happen to you, well, no sense in telling you any different. I guess you're going to have to find out the hard way.
Peace to the feline nation and I'm Audi 5000.
And lots of stuff.