Oh my God, where do I start on this godforesaken place
1) We are the No. 1 breeding ground for Arab terrorists. No one will question you here. No matter how conspicuous you think you'll be, you'll fit right in. Come on down.
2) Corruption in government runs rampant. If you don't have a criminal past, you'll get one while you're in office, especially in Miami-Dade.
3)Old people. The median age here is death plus 10. If you see two hands on a steering wheel and nothing else, get off the road immediately. It's another licensed driver over the age of 90 who has shrunk with age to 4-foot-10.
4)Golddiggers. If you have a pocket full of cash, a nice watch and you're tooling around in an expensive foreign sports car, you'll swear you're Brad Pitt even if you're balding, 50 pounds overweight and your daughter is older than the chick you're dating.
In all fairness, the weather is good most of the time but way too hot and humid in the summer, and the ladies look a helluva a lot better here than most places I've been to. Outside of that, stay where you are.
