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Stealthy · 09-10-2002, 01:06 PM

I've had my 'fair' share of psychotic, gold-digging girlfriends myself, man. I was dating this chick for about a year while I was running a BBS (Which tells you how long ago this was) and actually making money off of it here and there through advertising and whatnot, so I was at the computer every few hours for like 20 mins at a time, but that was about it. It didn't take up any more of my time than that, but of course I had to hear the "You care about that fucking computer more than you care about me" shit, which, after what happened next I'd have to agree with.

I come home one day to find a big pile of broken dishes in the kitchen, my clothes spread out all over the place covered in bleach, everything you could think of that could have been destroyed WAS destroyed (Even some of HER stuff, go figure) but she waited until I got home to deliver the coup de gras, standing there beside my computer, she pointed at the screen to an innocent message I got from one of my female users thanking me for the great time she had last night, etc. etc.

Now if she'd actually continued to read the fucking thing and actually paid attention to something other than her own selfish needs or even made the slightest effort to find out what a BBS even WAS, she would have realized that this girl was talking about a fucking user meet I had hosted at a local Pizza Place. I knew the owner so he threw in a bunch of free 'Za, Pop and free pool for all the members. I EVEN FUCKING TOLD HER ABOUT IT A WEEK IN ADVANCE but she convieniently "forgot".

I'm sure you can see where this is going. She grabbed the monitor, said something dramatic like "Try talking to your little sluts now!" and proceeded to smash the shit out of my tower with it then threw it across the room at me, just missing my knee (Which I had just had surgery on). Now where she got the strength to do that only her and Satan know for sure...

Anyway, by this point about 15 of our neighbours had called the Police thinking I was killing her, because apparently she was screaming her head off while she was smashing things. So the Cops knock on the door and I answer it within about a second, very calmly stating "I was hoping you guys would show up. Could you arrest my now ex-girlfriend please?" Of course they didn't believe a word I was saying so they split us up and started with the questions. The first thing I said was "If I was beating her up for the past half an hour, don't you think I'd be a little sweaty? Maybe a bit out of breath? Would my clothes not be dishevelled?" (I think I confused the cop with the word "Dishevelled" because he wrote it down and underlined it, no doubt so he could look it up later.) Well Turbo, you're not the only one thats had some bitch try and set you up.

She explained that all the broken dishes, etc. were her attempts to fight me off because I was in such a rage, blah blah blah, I could hear her sobbing in the next room and thought of calling the Academy to nominate her for a best actress Oscar.

BUT THE FUCKING PIGS BELIEVED HER!!! Can you imagine how pissed off I was when they actually started talking about assault charges?!? Anyway, I figured I was fucked until I remembered who had just dropped me off at home.

I had gotten a ride from my Lawyer that day because we were discussing some legal shit in his office all afternoon. AHA! So I tell the cops, Ok guys I can prove she's lying, and not just because she doesn't have a single mark on her, but because I WAS AT MY LAWYER'S OFFICE THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ASSAULTING HER!!! Did the Pigs let me call him? NOPE.

Then the neighbours started coming forward, including the resident manager of the building! They all said straight up that yes they had called the police about a disturbance in this apartment, but some of them had seen me entering the building AFTER the shit had gone down. (There was a store in the lobby of the building so I'm guessing that's where they saw me come in from)

THE COPS DIDN'T BELIEVE THEM!!! (Did I mention that psycho-hose-beast was a total hottie? I mean this girl was fucking HOT man, and of course she was dressed in a tank top, no bra, tight sweatpants and was clinging to the arm of one of the cops like he was her goddamn saviour...)

Anyway. the manager says he can PROVE that I wasn't there!
I had forgotten, there was a security camera in the foyer of our building and one at the back door too, so there's NO WAY I could have slipped in the back, and the fact that we were up on the 27th floor screwed up the "He climbed in a window" shit. Every security tape from that building was time-coded, so there you go. While he was getting the tape what should happen but the phone rings. Who could that be? FUCKIN' A! It was my Lawyer!

He was driving past my building and saw the cop cars parked out front so he was just calling to see what was happening. Needless to say he was there within minutes just tearing strip after strip off the cops for the bullshit I was going through.

Psycho chick started blubbering and cleaning up the mess she'd made in the kitchen, trying to look all lost and confused when he told her to sit down and shut up as she was tampering with evidence. My fingerprints weren't on any of the broken dishes, and if she was throwing them at me in defence, why didn't I have any marks on me, and why were the dishes all in one area and not all over the place? Questions even Joe Fucking Friday and his Studmuffin partner couldn't answer.

Then the Manager comes back with the door tapes. Fuck man, it was better than watching Star Wars on a big screen TV! There I was, walking in the front door of the building exactly 10 minutes and 22 seconds AFTER the police had been called.

So all of the sudden I'm no longer the bad guy and the Cops' attitudes towards little miss innocent suddenly changed DRASTICALLY. They charged her with illegal entry, (Even though she had a key) Vandalism, destruction of private property, Common assault, assault with a weapon, assault with intent to cause bodily harm, conspiracy to commit fraud, etc. etc.

The moral of this story is... Well there is no moral, you just have to WATCH YOUR ASS when it comes to chicks, man. I've been single for a very long time due to that incident. Now that I'm back on my feet and looking at a lucrative career in erotic photography, I'm going to be ten times more careful about who I let into my life. Very careful Indeed.

The End.

09-10-2002, 01:06 PM
Stealthy Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: You know that voice inside your head? That's me... Posts: 626	I've had my 'fair' share of psychotic, gold-digging girlfriends myself, man. I was dating this chick for about a year while I was running a BBS (Which tells you how long ago this was) and actually making money off of it here and there through advertising and whatnot, so I was at the computer every few hours for like 20 mins at a time, but that was about it. It didn't take up any more of my time than that, but of course I had to hear the "You care about that fucking computer more than you care about me" shit, which, after what happened next I'd have to agree with. I come home one day to find a big pile of broken dishes in the kitchen, my clothes spread out all over the place covered in bleach, everything you could think of that could have been destroyed WAS destroyed (Even some of HER stuff, go figure) but she waited until I got home to deliver the coup de gras, standing there beside my computer, she pointed at the screen to an innocent message I got from one of my female users thanking me for the great time she had last night, etc. etc. Now if she'd actually continued to read the fucking thing and actually paid attention to something other than her own selfish needs or even made the slightest effort to find out what a BBS even WAS, she would have realized that this girl was talking about a fucking user meet I had hosted at a local Pizza Place. I knew the owner so he threw in a bunch of free 'Za, Pop and free pool for all the members. I EVEN FUCKING TOLD HER ABOUT IT A WEEK IN ADVANCE but she convieniently "forgot". I'm sure you can see where this is going. She grabbed the monitor, said something dramatic like "Try talking to your little sluts now!" and proceeded to smash the shit out of my tower with it then threw it across the room at me, just missing my knee (Which I had just had surgery on). Now where she got the strength to do that only her and Satan know for sure... Anyway, by this point about 15 of our neighbours had called the Police thinking I was killing her, because apparently she was screaming her head off while she was smashing things. So the Cops knock on the door and I answer it within about a second, very calmly stating "I was hoping you guys would show up. Could you arrest my now ex-girlfriend please?" Of course they didn't believe a word I was saying so they split us up and started with the questions. The first thing I said was "If I was beating her up for the past half an hour, don't you think I'd be a little sweaty? Maybe a bit out of breath? Would my clothes not be dishevelled?" (I think I confused the cop with the word "Dishevelled" because he wrote it down and underlined it, no doubt so he could look it up later.) Well Turbo, you're not the only one thats had some bitch try and set you up. She explained that all the broken dishes, etc. were her attempts to fight me off because I was in such a rage, blah blah blah, I could hear her sobbing in the next room and thought of calling the Academy to nominate her for a best actress Oscar. BUT THE FUCKING PIGS BELIEVED HER!!! Can you imagine how pissed off I was when they actually started talking about assault charges?!? Anyway, I figured I was fucked until I remembered who had just dropped me off at home. I had gotten a ride from my Lawyer that day because we were discussing some legal shit in his office all afternoon. AHA! So I tell the cops, Ok guys I can prove she's lying, and not just because she doesn't have a single mark on her, but because I WAS AT MY LAWYER'S OFFICE THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ASSAULTING HER!!! Did the Pigs let me call him? NOPE. Then the neighbours started coming forward, including the resident manager of the building! They all said straight up that yes they had called the police about a disturbance in this apartment, but some of them had seen me entering the building AFTER the shit had gone down. (There was a store in the lobby of the building so I'm guessing that's where they saw me come in from) THE COPS DIDN'T BELIEVE THEM!!! (Did I mention that psycho-hose-beast was a total hottie? I mean this girl was fucking HOT man, and of course she was dressed in a tank top, no bra, tight sweatpants and was clinging to the arm of one of the cops like he was her goddamn saviour...) Anyway. the manager says he can PROVE that I wasn't there! I had forgotten, there was a security camera in the foyer of our building and one at the back door too, so there's NO WAY I could have slipped in the back, and the fact that we were up on the 27th floor screwed up the "He climbed in a window" shit. Every security tape from that building was time-coded, so there you go. While he was getting the tape what should happen but the phone rings. Who could that be? FUCKIN' A! It was my Lawyer! He was driving past my building and saw the cop cars parked out front so he was just calling to see what was happening. Needless to say he was there within minutes just tearing strip after strip off the cops for the bullshit I was going through. Psycho chick started blubbering and cleaning up the mess she'd made in the kitchen, trying to look all lost and confused when he told her to sit down and shut up as she was tampering with evidence. My fingerprints weren't on any of the broken dishes, and if she was throwing them at me in defence, why didn't I have any marks on me, and why were the dishes all in one area and not all over the place? Questions even Joe Fucking Friday and his Studmuffin partner couldn't answer. Then the Manager comes back with the door tapes. Fuck man, it was better than watching Star Wars on a big screen TV! There I was, walking in the front door of the building exactly 10 minutes and 22 seconds AFTER the police had been called. So all of the sudden I'm no longer the bad guy and the Cops' attitudes towards little miss innocent suddenly changed DRASTICALLY. They charged her with illegal entry, (Even though she had a key) Vandalism, destruction of private property, Common assault, assault with a weapon, assault with intent to cause bodily harm, conspiracy to commit fraud, etc. etc. The moral of this story is... Well there is no moral, you just have to WATCH YOUR ASS when it comes to chicks, man. I've been single for a very long time due to that incident. Now that I'm back on my feet and looking at a lucrative career in erotic photography, I'm going to be ten times more careful about who I let into my life. Very careful Indeed. The End. __________________ <embed src=http://www.moonshadow-productions.com/images/moon.swf width="120" height=60> Last edited by Stealthy; 09-10-2002 at 01:14 PM..