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22. How was Shannon Dougherty in bed?
I was making coffee at saddle ranch one night. Making coffee is the absolute worst job as a waiter; I always tried to avoid it. The hostess approached me and told me a ?very important table is down and I needed to get there right away.?
?I?m making fucking coffee right now, I will get there when I get there.?
She walked away very unhappy. When I finally approached the table, Shannon Dougherty was seated wearing a dark sweatshirt. Her hair pulled back behind her ears, head angled down, eyes veered up towards me. She was with her brother and a couple that appeared to be in their mid-50s.
The couple was very intoxicated and persistent in ordering jack and cokes. Shannon and her brother seemed a bit uncomfortable. Shannon, as most know, has a terrible reputation when it comes to dealing with her; however, she seemed quiet and relatively tranquil.
I bring the lady a coffee spontaneously, I figured I took the time to make it, I might as well serve it. Shannon smiles and waves me over. She ask me to lean down.
?Thanks man, those two are hammered, my brother and I are trying to buy a couple of horses from them, but when we took them to dinner, they got too drunk, now we are stuck with them. I just want them gone at this point. Can you do me a favor? Can you please cut her off??
?Jack and cokes have been without jack for the past hour.?
She laughed and remarked that I was on things. She then asked if I had smokes, I said yes, we went for a smoke. As soon as we hit the patio, someone called her Brenda.
?That is a tv show. That isn?t my real name. I am not talking to you anymore.?
We had conversation and then headed back inside. I worked the old couple until they were ready to leave. Shannon and her brother stay, they want to drink. Shannon calls the GM of the restaurant over. She request two things:
1) A bottle of Patron Silver.
2) For them to let me off my shift so I could drink it with her.
Both request are met, this would be the last time I would think of Patron and not swallow my own vomit.
The shots began flowing, and the bets began being laid down. Would a guy from our place sleep with a celebrity? You see, a lot of our female staff was known to date celebrities, we always had paparazzi around; but none of the guys really had any thing like that happen.
Things were going well, we danced, we laughed, and I fantasized about getting her and Alyssa Milano in a Suite at The Mondrian Hotel while wearing only a cowboy hat, boots and smoking a cigarette later that night:
?You touch it?
?No, you go first, then me?
?Ladies, you can both touch it at the same time. You wanna be with this bad boy professional extra? Then come on over ladies!?
Ok, sorry, tangent.
In the end, the Patron got the best of us all. She offered to drop me off at home, however, I only lived a block away. So it was no dice.
I was a bit eccentric, I rode one of those scooters to work. The ones you propel with your foot and have wheels the size of nickels. People used to laugh at me, but I loved that scooter. While riding home on Sunset, it hit a rock and got jammed, throwing me off. I tried to pull the rock out while sitting on the sidewalk when an SUV drove by and some guy screamed ?loser? and threw an empty can at me.
Man, this town is tough. One minute you are a renowned extra parading the town with a starlet, the next minute your scooter?s front wheel is broken and you are in the outs.
If you are ever in Saddle Ranch (either Sunset or North Hollywood), ask for Matt the GM. Tell him you know me.
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