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Best Fruit Cake Ever:
1 Cup Butter
1 Cup Sugar
4 Large Eggs
1 Cup Dried Fruit
1 Tsp Baking Powder
1 Tsp Baking Soda
1 Tbsp Lemon Juice
1 Cup Brown Sugar
1 Cup Nuts
1 or 2 Quarts Aged Whiskey
Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn?t it?
Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again, as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink as fast as you can.
Repeat.
With an eclectic mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar and beat the hell out of it again. Meanwhile, at this parsnicular point in time, make sure that the whixey hasn?t gone bad while you weren?t lookin?. Open second quart if nestessary.
Add 2 large eggs, 2 cups fried druit an beat til high. If druit gets shtuck in peaters, just pry the monsters loosh with a drewscriver.
Example the whikstey again, shecking confistancy, then shift 2 cups of salt or detergent or whatever, like anyone gives a schlit.
Chample the whitchey shum more.
Shitf in shum lemon zhoosh. Fold in chopped sputter and shrained nuts. Add 100 babblespoons of brown booger or whushever?s closhest and mix well.
Greash ubben and turn cakey pan to 350 decrees. Now pour the whole mesh into the washin machine and set on sinsh shycle.
Check dat whixney wunsh more. Take a resht and pash out.
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