this is some funny shit! as long as i have been djing, my boy who wrote this nailed it on the head!
Memorandum To All Clubbers :
From: Mikey Beats
Date: Today
READ AND MEMORIZE!
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So hilarious, yet so true...
The next time you're out at the club, look at your dj. Do you think we are really concerned about what you have to say? The answer is no, we do not. What we do is play music, and we do it for the money and/ or the soul so please help us out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should respect that.
There are SO many people out there flooding the clubs w/o any knowledge of how to act. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow in regards with communication with the dj. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.
1. "It's my friends birthday..."
I don't give a fuck nor do the 500 other people who are at the club with you. I don't care how cute you are or if you are VIP. If you ain't showing titties, have a shot in your hand or a fist full of loot, "I don't have a mic, sorry..." Fellas...Don't even think about it.
2. "Can you play..."
No, fuck you. I am the dj, not you. The promoters are paying me to play what I play, not you. If you got the itch to be a dj, iPod bitch!
3. "Do you play house/reggae-tone/rock/hiphop???"
No, fuck off. So many people have their head so far up there asses they don't know what the fucks up. Check it out, there are these things called fliers, eh? These are promotion tools. Read the fucking flier and see what room plays what God damned music. I play HOUSE!!!. Fuck you!
4. "Can you speed/slow it up/down???"
Fuck you. I am working the crowd. If the music is slow, go get a drink. That's why the music is slow so your dumb ass goes to the bar and spends money. When I see you with a full drink, I play your favorite track so you pound the drink and come dance. I do this all night long. That's why they pay me.
5. "Can I dance on stage???"
Bitch, you're wasted! You think I am going to put the club at risk as well as my job so you can slip and fall and sue everyone? Fuck you!
We pay the dancers for a reason...
6. "Can you play the sweaty balls song???"
Look, the song is called "Get Low" and is by Lil John. Get it the fuck right. Besides, does your white daddy know you dance like a whore?
Now if you don't get your way, don't be a little bitch and throw a fit. Just walk away, go to the bar and buy another drink. Whatever you do, do not touch the fucking needle on the record. I will fucking kill you! Too many times I have had these priss bitches get mad and pull on the tone arm. What the fuck?! Are you that new you fucking twat?! I will give you two black eyes then have two black guys drag you out by your weave you filthy little cum dumpster!
One last thing, while we are on the subject, back the fuck up! Give me some fucking room! You bump the tables I bump your head, dig?!
Repost this shit. Tell everyone.
Mikey Beats '05
word up mikey! you nailed it yo!