My mom took acid the whole time while pregnant with me. This is not a joke.
I always wondered why when I was younger movies were to emotional for me, music once I began to understand the words made me cry. I still can not watch highly violent movies, nor the types of movies that are "tear jerkers".
Maybe thats why I enjoy Adult so much more, to much story and depth just overly distracts me or stimulates me. In Adult its never been that way, though I am shooting content these days and to hear the stories that girls go through and have been through is painful sometimes. I always find myself telling them to slow down, take it easy and offering my help if they should ever need it. I know someday I may regret it given some situations. Suppose I been lucky with my pre interviews thus far in detecting a real problem, or what ever. Who knows.
I remember when I was a kid and cried all through Benny and the Jets wondering why they killed em. The song still gets to me if I ever hear it. I freaked out on Micky Mouse when I was 5 on my first trip to Disneyland.
How many of you had an emotional break down on prom night? I did.
When I see flowers, or somthing of beauty I feel it. I have to admit my mind is a very unstable place sometimes yet I hold it together and tell myself that the world is the way it is and under some situations even casual ones that what goes through my mind is just my mind. I truly care alot about people, places and even things and I see how these things are connected in ways I can not describe. Everything is connected though, trust me on this. At any rate I have become very capable to just dismiss the deeper ways things actually affect me as nothing.
I been thinking in retrospect alot lately. About my life, the way I am, what I have become. What people might think of me. I wonder if people think like me, sometimes I feel disconnected in knowing that no one, nothing could understand how hard it is to keep stable or some semblance of a sane mind when things go out of alignment in everyday life. For example A speeding car, a car accident, plane crash, a shooting, bombing and generally people dying in the news or somthing as simple as my cat looking at me wondering how many different ways there is to kill me. ( Just kidding I know my cat loves me ).
As of late its been getting harder, I cant drink alot of orange juice, never have been as it tends to make me trail or color. Tonight I drank a half gallon of orange juice and I am disturbed by even the shadows in my room. I know the deal though so I can hang.
I have been living this way for 34 years.
So now ya know a truth about me.
A very personnal one at that but perhaps many of you might understand why I go off the handle from time to time. When I see collissions it bothers me, detracts from a harmony that I expect in life and the reality is the world is chaos, billions of minds each with its own sense of identity and problems.
I do not have the worse problems and often consider myself lucky to be doing exactly what I do.
Create things and find beauty in all of it
Don;t feel bad for me, I am proud of me but I know that some of ya folks that read me I most likely pose as a total basket case and honestly I couldnt blame ya for it.