FEY -- "Yesterday, Dick Cheney's chief of staff Scooter Libby was indicted on five felony counts ranging from perjury to obstruction of justice in the Valerie Plame leak case. For more on this story, ask Scooter. Apparently that mofo'll tell you anything."
FEY -- "If convicted, Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice - 10 years in prison. Making false statements - 5 years. Perjury - 5 years. Going to jail with the name Scooter - priceless."
FEY -- "The indictments against Scooter Libby were announced at a press conference Friday by Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald. Trim, soft-spoken, manly Patrick Fitzgerald. His clear, steady voice, piercing blue eyes and impeachable integrity restoring my faith in America and making me want to do things I have never done before. I love you, Patrick Fitzgerald, because you don't lie to me. I love you."
POEHLER -- (in reference to a picture of Harriet Miers) "Shocking many on Thursday, the Religious Right participated in a second term abortion."
STOLEN FROM:
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/