of COURSE you should talk to her!
how could you contemplate spending the rest of your life with someone you won't even talk to? sure, the situation sounds disappointing - to say the least. but you have no idea why she responded that way. perhaps she's had to put her feelings about marriage on hold to be with you, and can't reconnect to those feelings right off after years. perhaps she really doesn't believe in marriage, but wants to please you - and just doesn't know how to feel yet. who knows what plans she had for the evening? maybe you just totally derailed her.
the only person who knows why she acted the way she did is her - IF she even knows. realize that you and she love each other, so no matter how it seems, neither of you want to hurt each other. get on the same page with each other - you can't beat honesty!
i'm going on year 7 with the only person i've ever been comfortable being totally honest with, and real communication sure does keep big fights from happening.
good luck to you, and go get your newcomers chip today - don't wait! if you have a sponsor, call him. some people beat themselves up so bad after a relapse that they spend months punishing themselves with drugs or alcohol, and it makes it so much harder. if you need to, maybe you can make an amends to yourself
maybe you can try some related reading to help you out at home when the urge hits - there's a book called children of trauma that really helped me years ago.