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It seems your police department is pretty messed up. With all that damage to her, there is no reason he should not be charged. Did your wife say she wanted to press charges? I'm fairly certain that they have to and that the job to drop them is up to the DA. Going through the police is the best method.
My second method would be vigilante justice. If someone fucked with someone I loved like that, the police would be the least of this guys worries. I'd put him an inch from his life.
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