GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - View Single Post - If there's a funnier and more perceptive comedian than Chris Rock, I've not seen them

ronaldo · 09-20-2005, 11:10 AM

-Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.

-You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.

-Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

-You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.

-A man is only as faithful as his options.

-If you've been dating a man for four months and you haven't met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend.

-Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.

-Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

-Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

-Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.

-Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

-Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

-I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

-If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

-Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

-Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

-Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?

-You don't pay taxes - they take taxes. That's not a payment. That's a jack.

09-20-2005, 11:10 AM
ronaldo Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: ICQ#: 272000271 Posts: 5,475	If there's a funnier and more perceptive comedian than Chris Rock, I've not seen them -Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one. -You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. -Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else. -You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. -A man is only as faithful as his options. -If you've been dating a man for four months and you haven't met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend. -Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council. -Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. -Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. -Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95. -Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. -Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing. -I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity. -If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty. -Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them. -Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest! -Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? -You don't pay taxes - they take taxes. That's not a payment. That's a jack.