TheFLY

Day in the life of an alcoholic adult webmaster. I'm still drunk now so that's why this post is so long ;)

It's 6:00pm -- I'm just able to get out of bed for the first time today. I haven't eaten anything since last night -- until now I haven't wanted to leave my bed...

I start with $100 and a bad attitude. (NOTE: I spent all $100 but I'm trying to remember how)

$92 -- 9:00pm Food $8 Grape Leaf Platter, Rice, Hummus, Tabouli, Pita (Yummmmm)
$92 -- 9:15pm Coffee Shop.
$77 -- 9:30pm Durty Nellys -- this is a dark depressing bar -- it's so great because it's exactly the place "not to be" and the drinks aren't watered down with piss. $10 Pitcher of Harp, real bad live Irish pub music. My bad attitude is leaving -- starting to feel great. I wasn't drunk enough so I needed a shot $5 Cuervo 1800. Only ugly chicks in this place. Some guy's girlfriend starts chatting with me. He doesn't seem happy. But why take your girlfriend to a bar if you're going to sit in a corner and be boring?
$65 -- 10:15pm Side Bar. Never been here before so I figured I'd check it out. Some live bands were playing. $10 cover. Place is dead -- the christian rockers suck ass -- only 3 bar stools -- everyone looks bored. This place only deserves a $2 bud light (no tip :p) The $10 cover got me some kind of access to a music festival -- so I don't quite finish the bud -- walk to the next bar.

Walking. Just pissed. Gotta piss again.

$17? -- 10:30pm Common Grounds (Coffee/Bar). Almost every night there are some awesome bands here. I don't know why I go to this place but I just get a feeling in my gut this is the place to go tonight. Lots of "emo" type people -- there aren't any snobs here and the employees are good to me. How I spent $48 here is hard to remember. $3 cover. $2 Old Mill (I was sick of Harp now -- too sweet and heavy). I start playing pool. A couple of one-night-stand chicks are in here -- and an ex-boyfriend of one of my ex-girlfriends is w/ one of them LOL. I kick his ass in pool -- he purposely sinks the 8 because I think he realizes he's too drunk to make any shots. Next band comes on -- it's 3 cute chicks. I know this is probably one of their first times playing on stage because I've never seen them out before. The singer is a fine arts college dropout, the redhead drummer is big and looks clumsy but she's cute and quiet. Bass chick is the bartender and has very intense eyes -- she was showing a little leg on stage. So the band kicked ass -- timing was perfect, the vocals were beautiful, and the shit just wasn't boring... they mixed up the pace and each song had a unique feeling to it. So I buy their $3 CD. They didn't have change so I tried to force them to take $5. I'm drinking a $4 glass of cab -- this wine is excellent! The shit shoots straight into my blood stream. I offer the bass girl a round of wine for the band -- I think I gave her $20 and she got me a glass too. Now these chicks have the biggest smiles on their faces -- like nobody ever bought them a drink in their life. They all come over to me but I don't want them to feel like they owe me anything -- but they are hanging out with me anyway in the corner by the pool table. Next band comes on -- I'm really only paying attention to the pool game. The bassist girl wants to play me in pool -- I beat her ass (last time I played her she ran the table on me bad) -- at this point I'm probably drunk and it's all a blur -- several times the cue ball is shooting into the air because I'm hitting hard but I'm winning games. 3rd glass of wine. I don't remember leaving!!!

$10 -- ??:??pm Smoke Shop. I don't see any cigars that I want. I buy a huge fucking $7 cigar. Some brand I've never heard of. The employees are dicks -- they've never recommended me anything good to smoke. The draw on this thing is easy as fuck for such a monster cigar but it tastes stale as shit I remember that much -- fucking nasty.

$0 -- ??:???pm Dennys. This Tai Chi painter I know is at the next table w/ some chicks from the bar. They're all looking at me and I have no idea why. Maybe it's my big fucking cigar or maybe it's because I'm shit faced. I don't remember if I ordered anything. I think I was too drunk to sit there and drink coffee so I gave my favorite hot waitress Rebecca $10 and I just walked out of there -- I think the cop at the door gave me a look but I ignored him.

Now this is where it gets interesting. There's no way I'm going to fucking drive so I walk to this undeveloped part of town by this park. Basically I go into the woods and revert to primal man. It's all a blur of leaves and waxy reflections of moonlight -- dirt in my hands -- running water -- lots of little creeks in there. The place is fucking awesome. There's some pool party a few blocks away -- and all these chicks are moaning like they've gangbanging a football team. Honestly I don't even remember how I got to the pool party -- or how I got back to the woods -- teleportation? I have no fucking idea. So I'm fucked out of my mind at the edge of the water -- I pull down my pants -- I remember barfing a few times and shit is coming out of me at both ends!!! Somehow I didn't make a mess of myself and remained very clean. I fell asleep. I'm remember walking through the woods kindof lost -- it's morning now... I'm walking through the park and I'm still fucked up and tired -- I find a tree and sleep against it. Wake up -- I'm walking to where I think my car is -- taking the back roads not wanting anyone to see me with dirt all over my pants LOL... I forgot where I parked so I had to backtrack -- I'm still fucked up but I drove home safely anyway. I'm home!!! I enter the shower -- turn the water on a comfortable temperature (thank god for my huge water heater) -- and roll around on the floor of the shower -- I'm half asleep singing and sobbing because of the pain -- I fall asleep in the shower twice... I wake up. The floor is all wet. I jump into bed... When you're this drunk you can't even turn your body in bed -- because that just moves the alcohol around in your system and you'll feel even worse if you move. SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Well that is my pathetic story. I don't think I'll go near alcohol until the Hollywood show...

And you know the best part of the story? I check my stats and my signups for today are UP UP UP!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

I love my job!!!!