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2HousePlague · 07-16-2005, 07:26 PM

It's a tough line to walk, brother, but I'd say you're walking it. I try to be the same way. It really just comes down to a few simple guidelines.

Here's an example: Let's say you and I just met at a show, we like each other, we're kickin' it, all is good. A friend of mine walks into the room, but doesn't see me and you in the corner talking. You look at him, not knowing him to be my friend, and say "That guys an asshole. I hate him."

I would say (and this is the tricky part):

"Why is that? Joe is a friend of mine. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

Consider what you've done:

1. You have made your new friend aware that the person he has just insulted is your friend, but you have not over-reacted.

2. By telling your new friend that the person he dslikes is a friend of yours BEFORE you ask him what happened, you show that you are honest, and that you don't lead people into scenarios where they are giving up information without having all the facts.

3. By asking him "what happened" without jumping to your friend's defense, you show that you are capable of being both loyal and objective.

Think how easy, then, after you heard what happened to know what to do, and to keep your integrity intact. At the end of the conversation with my new friend I am going to walk up to my old friend either by myself, if I feel the information I received is credible or best dealt with privately, in which case I would tell him where I heard it, OR, if my new friend has made a mistake or his feelings about my old friend are not based on anything very important, I could walk over to my old friend, with my new friend and help make amends. It's so easy isn't it?

The trouble is people are sometimes very basic and very afraid. They think you can't have multiple friends and be true and honest to all, they are jealous and insecure. This is why it's more lilely that people try to build new allegiances based on common hate -- more on that subject >>> X.

2HP

07-16-2005, 07:26 PM
2HousePlague CURATOR Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: the attic Posts: 14,572	It's a tough line to walk, brother, but I'd say you're walking it. I try to be the same way. It really just comes down to a few simple guidelines. Here's an example: Let's say you and I just met at a show, we like each other, we're kickin' it, all is good. A friend of mine walks into the room, but doesn't see me and you in the corner talking. You look at him, not knowing him to be my friend, and say "That guys an asshole. I hate him." I would say (and this is the tricky part): "Why is that? Joe is a friend of mine. Why don't you tell me what happened?" Consider what you've done: 1. You have made your new friend aware that the person he has just insulted is your friend, but you have not over-reacted. 2. By telling your new friend that the person he dslikes is a friend of yours BEFORE you ask him what happened, you show that you are honest, and that you don't lead people into scenarios where they are giving up information without having all the facts. 3. By asking him "what happened" without jumping to your friend's defense, you show that you are capable of being both loyal and objective. Think how easy, then, after you heard what happened to know what to do, and to keep your integrity intact. At the end of the conversation with my new friend I am going to walk up to my old friend either by myself, if I feel the information I received is credible or best dealt with privately, in which case I would tell him where I heard it, OR, if my new friend has made a mistake or his feelings about my old friend are not based on anything very important, I could walk over to my old friend, with my new friend and help make amends. It's so easy isn't it? The trouble is people are sometimes very basic and very afraid. They think you can't have multiple friends and be true and honest to all, they are jealous and insecure. This is why it's more lilely that people try to build new allegiances based on common hate -- more on that subject >>> X. 2HP __________________ tada!