Some tips for watching football/soccer:
Drunk=good, stoned=bad. The idea is to get worked up and shout at the TV alot. If you're stoned you won't care...
Learn the rules. Even the offside one. Otherwise you spend all your time thinking "what the fuck is going on?".
Don't expect double or triple digit scorelines. This isn't some pointless game like basketball or American football
Practise the following phrase, and repeat whenever neccessary or more than neccessary if drunk: "The referee's a wanker!"...
Other useful phrases: "It's a game of two halves", "we was robbed", "I need another beer", "no fucking way!", "at the end of the day it's 11 men against 11 men".
Do not be concerned if you see lots of fully grown men with painted faces and silly hats. They are the footballing equivalent of "cheerleaders".
Support Manchester United, unless you live in Manchester.