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Originally Posted by sean416
Awesome read. Thanks for the insight.
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You're very welcome.
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Originally Posted by sean416
hmmmm, you left me wondering a couple things:
1. What did you have against your job as an investment banker, morally
speaking?
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Business is funny. The entire commercial universe -- everything from undertaking to hang-gliding lessons -- from dirt-cheap commodities to the esoterica of human wants -- all of it --- is full of LIES.
So, if, like me, you are a person who cares about honesty, and is trying really hard to live up to some IDEAL (however self-imposed) of "being good", you realize pretty soon in your professional life that you're going to have to walk along the edges of a few razors.
I was always a good salesman. When you're a kid, and can talk a little bit, there's a lot you can get away with -- people don't expect you to feel much accountability, so they tend to interpret your boldnesses with a tolerant, humor-inclined eye.
By the time I was in my late teens, I was running rampant in an absolutely amoral way. Imagine the idiotically arrogant teenager, but without any of the usual check-effect of being occasionally wrong, embarrassed or just insecure.
By my early 20's, I was an absolute passive tyrant. Manipulation, equivocation, even deception became languages at my un-self-policing disposal. I did a lot of things during this time I really regret.
Strangely, it wasn't my sensitivity to human injury that gave me pause. It was my sense of "theft".
It actually came as a little bit of a surprise to me to find this DILEMMA inside myself, that prevented me from being able to peddle worthless pink-sheet stocks to grandmothers and "retired" Navy Admirals who knew about Desert Storm 3 days in advance -- j/k -- never happened -- LOL.
It's as simple as that. I just couldn't steal. The black-and-white of that is what, I think, got me started down the path of looking at EVERY choice, and worrying about the morality of each one -- it's hard fucking, work, man.
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Originally Posted by sean416
2. These words REALLY hit home for me, and from reading your replies, I feel as though some advice, from a person with as much experience and wisdom as yourself, would be really interesting and helpful
"I culminate a life-long tradition of selfish acts by leaving a woman who loves me, whom I have told I love her, because she is not intellectually my equal."
Could you elaborate on what you meant by that, how you changed when you came to that realization, or anything else you think a young person in the same position could benefit from.
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One of the ways in which the arrogance and self-centeredness described above manifested itself was in my granting myself permission to act like the people of "normal" intelligence around me were so dense they couldn't tell they were being disrespected by an ass.
In the realm of sexual relationships, likewise, I would give myself to lovers with enthusiasm and sincerity of ardor, but, all the while, thinking -- "She can't do long division in her head..." or some other such distraction.
This was all I knew.
I met and married a woman who made me very happy to protect her, and with whom I had great sex. When I made the decision to do so, I DID believe it a sustainable arrangement, though I MUST CONFESS I KNEW my heart wasn't there.
A moment came when I realized I had to pursue a "fuller" (more multi-leveled) relationship...
Oh, fuck it: I wanted to be with an insanely smart girl. That's all.
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Originally Posted by sean416
3. Why do you feel its so important to bridge the gap between adult and mainstream sites?
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Hey, if you could nudge these worrisomely wayward technologies a few degrees in the right direction and make a billion dollars, wouldn't you?
j-