|
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Depression in the fall when I had a nervous breakdown waiting for my son to be born. I was a nervous wreck and was starting to get violent with people. Turns out my moods had stability issues. I was prescribed trileptol, an anti seizure drug, to stabilize the mood. It worked great because angry mood swings are considered mini seizures.
When I started taking them I felt not right at all. Thoughts of death, not of suicide, but just worry that I might kill myself. I was literally terrified. Scared I'd snap and kill myself in a violent car crash or lose control and drop myself on a knife. I had to stop driving for 6 months and hide knives under other dishes so it was out of mind so I could enjoy my meal in peace. I just got back behind the wheel a month or so ago and I feel fine now. I didn't want to die but the thoughts and actions were always in my head. I guess it's quite normal with bipolar and even with normal depression. It's only when you want to die that it becomes dangerous.
To combat those thoughts so I can lead a normal day without worry I was prescribed Risperidone, better known as risperidol. THAT really fucked with me hardcore. I couldn't stay up past midnight even if I tried. Everything was confusing and overwhelming for me. I would even wake up and be UNABLE to talk. I would try to and feel totally like I could not communicate, like there was a third person there cutting me off but there was only two of us. This happened a few times and made me feel really awful.
As time went on, the two drugs mellowed out in my system. It came to a point where I didn't even notice them anymore. I eventually cut myself off of the two because they cause liver damage and weight gain but I think I'm fine now.
The long term psychological effects of these types of drugs is something not to be desired. I still get odd feelings of being overwhelmed but I have learned how to deal with them without having to go see a doc for meds. I just take the rest of the day off work and I'm fine. It's stress triggered it seems.
Anger management classes have also helped control the mood swings and violent behaviour. I have reprogrammed myself. Although, I still have days where I feel like I'm going to freak out and launch my GF out a window but that's just because she likes to nit pick and be sarcastic with everything I say. I got her reading my anger management course material and she's learning how to communicate better so we don't argue as much.
All in all, I recommend you try ways to deal with bi-polar that doesn't involve medication. It can really make you feel worse off than you were to begin with for a couple months. Take an anger management course even if you don't have anger problems from bipolar. It teaches you how to deal with everyday things and let things roll off your shoulder much easier thus your mood swings are less severe. I highly recommend it. Also, there seems to be a connection between being a night owl and the severity of bipolar swings. Lack of daylight seems to make your whole world more gloomy and your mind more prone to go into mood swings. Set a schedule and STICK to it. Work from 7am til 4pm and walk away from the office after that and enjoy life. Head to bed around 11 every night. I got myself back into my damn night owl mode and I can feel the effects of it already. I'm impossible to please and to deal with. So I postponed a client's work until Monday so I could get to bed around 5am, wake at 1pm then go to bed at 2am Sunday night. By Monday I'll be back to normal and feeling human again.
|