Raven

Ya know, Tala..you've held up pretty well these past few months..You've tried a lot of things to avoid the pain....not that you have purposely tried to avoid this....I hope my words don't come across as mean...believe me, they aren't meant to be insincere or unsympathetic...but human psyche will do anything to not feel hurt or pain....you know..releasing endorphins...distractions like shopping or sex with someone safe, like your friend..which, by the way, was therapeutic and fine with me...a little travel....and I'm pissed I still haven't gotten to meet you for real

But, sooner or later, which appears to be now....you're going to go through the stage of pain that is so horrific, your entire body, including your eyelashes, will hurt and feel awful.

And, there is thing nothing that you should do about it. Let it wash over you....feel it...because if you don't, it will haunt you the rest of your life and you're too young for that. Grieve, girl...mourn, scream, cry, be angry, be sad...feel sanctimonious and call him a bastard for leaving you all alone...face an empty chair and give it to him good.....all of it..the sadness that you miss him..the anger toward him for leaving you....the sheer loneliness of not having him....after all, they do become a habit, don't they? And, the fear of change...because your life IS changing....and you have no idea what path you'll take..since there are so many in front of you now...Talk to him as if he were really sitting in that chair. If you're not a visual person, write it down. You're a writer. Write him a letter and say it all....and then, when you're done, take it outside and burn it.....it's a therapeutic cleansing exercise. Repeat as needed, until your energies are not quite as intense...death of a loved one....whew..the mourning process..especially if you liked and loved him, can take three to five years to never....it's the never that you don't want.

It's the never you will get, though....if you don't do it now...it's one long hellacious intermittent vomit; but, if you do it now....you'll have your life back....if you don't..it will be painful for the rest of your life....intermittently..like a leaky annoying, sleep depriving faucet...slow, steady and always leaking when you least expect or want it to.

There is a life out there for you. I know there is. But, not today, sweetie. Today you have to grieve. Tomorrow, maybe, too..and maybe for a year or two or three...but as Paul Newman said when his son died...the grieving never goes away; but, the colours change. He's right. Virtual hug to you, Tala....plus, tea and a big hankie.

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