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The Association of Southern Schools is pursuing taxpayer dollars through
Washington by designating Southern slang, or "y'allbonics," as language to
be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the
Y'allbonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"
BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My
brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage:
"A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard
my pickup truck, and I ain't heard from him in munts."
THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them
bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left
my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few
munts ago."
ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother
from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't
change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine
from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't
rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are
willin' to fat for are rats."
CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage: Just set that bare rat cheer.
FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he
sed... must be from some farn country."
DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't
breathe...give 'im some ARE!"
BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that
bob war fence."
JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother
from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't
thanked but a minnit'n haze laf."
SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York
City... view?"
GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gubmint boys
shore is ignert.
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