|
Irish Jokes
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
*****
Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now
we're going to have to piss in the boat."
*****
...some quickies...
Q: What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison oak?
A: A rash of good luck.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
A: A Sham Rock.
Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn't afford plane fare.
Q: Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover?
A: You don't want to press your luck.
Q: What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off walls?
A: Rick O'Shea.
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.
*****
A Parting Poem:
Of all the money that ere I've spent,
I spent it in good company.
And all the harm that ere I've done,
Alas, it was to none but me.
And all I've done for want of wit
To mem'ry now I can't recall,
So fill to me the parting glass,
Good night and joy be with you all.
Of all the comrades that ere I've had,
They're sorry for my going away.
And all the sweethearts that ere I've had,
they wish me one more day to stay.
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not,
I'll gently rise and softly call,
Goodnight and joy be with you all.
ADG Webmaster (Stepson of a true Irishman)
|