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It sounds like your host has something set up wrong. If they just moved mySQL up to version 4 and didn't set the configurations properly, they could have made it perform worse than the previous version.
Having a problem with "Dozens of connections" has got to be the stupidest thing in that whole post. If the server can't handle a few dozen connections, something is obviously extremely wrong with it.
They should be trying to figure out what's wrong with their server, not telling you to fix your shit or risk suspension. Any server should be able to handle hundreds of Apache and mysql processes simultaneously without any trouble. My servers run over 30 mysql queries per second, plus handle several hundred thousand hits a day on apache and they don't give any trouble.
Not trying to spam...But if you want to talk, hit my sig.
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