Ricks, if this guy is truly a friend of yours, give him some good advice and support him as he follows through with kicking this obsessive, controlling freak to the curb. Take him out, get him laid, show him his options, 'cuz this is obviously unhealthy and he'll be old before his time if he has to endure this any longer.
JHHM: Seek help. Your clinginess is outrageous. By all rights you SHOULD BE DITCHED, PRONTO. Any self-respecting man who had to deal with years of your paranoia and, frankly, punishment for his so-called transgressions and YOUR INSECURITY would go out and fuck someone else. Already paid the time, might as well fucking enjoy the crime. Did he put his dick in someone else? No? Then it's not cheating, no matter how much you might want it to be so's to justify your warped, domineering demands. He's a man, not your fucking Fischer-Price Pull Toy.
Ricks friend: If this bizarre wench actually has any friends that aren't mere pawns to her controlling nature, find the ugliest two of them and fuck them. Take pictures. Make a present of them to JHHM and say "There, that partially makes up for the last nine years of you acting like a total bitch." Honestly, there is no woman beautiful enough, or sex good enough, that justifies you having to live in her personal gulag.
