I really want to thank all of you that have been trying to help me... I am still in a state of confusion & indecisiveness, but I think the best thing for me to do is to leave this biz & do the right thing & do what's best for me & my family..
Hungryman, & many of you who have faith in my ability & ambition to succeed in this biz.. I thank you offering to assist me in reaching realistic goals & helping me through the biz, but I have come to realize that may not be the best for me & my family.. sure I can succeed & learn alot more & make a success of myself & I certainly have the determination for it, but I will not take those chances at the expense of my family.. I have already taken those risks & now I see where it has gotten me..
I went to the payphone at the store & called my aunt.. from what my aunt's been told by my mom, it appears that my wife is upset about my involvement with porn on the net... the amount of time I spent online, my obsession with wanting to make money online, etc,.,, she believes that I cared more about my porn biz than I do of her & my family.. My online activities have interfered with our relationship & it's caused many arguments.. I always tried to assure her that I was only doing it for the money & as a business, but she couldn't identify with that or understand.. she began to feel insecure because of the images of girls on the net, etc.. & also, sometimes she felt neglected by me being online all the time.. I was too busy struggling to make a buck, & our relationship suffered for it.. It's caused arguments in the past, & I believe the best thing to do is to give up on it.. I hate to quit, but I need to do the right thing.. I need to try to hitch hike to massachusetts & try to talk to her & try to work things out.. my aunt tells me that my wife is at her moms & that my mom has convinced her to leave me & also get a restraining order.. I need to talk to her & make my peace with her before that happens.. I hope not.. I think what may be best is to try my hardest to find us a home, & fast & show her that my days with porn are finished... I am going to try to pawn my computer.. I will need every cent I can get, so I can find a place to live & transportation to move, get job, etc.. I have $300, plus whatever amount sleazydream was kind enough to send.. I should have it in the mail sometime.. however long it takes from manitoba to here.. plus more $$ from my friend dreamman010 who I've gotten to know fairly well these past few months.. He's got alot of heart & soul & is a great character & it's been a real pleasure working with him.. he's a really smart kid & I enjoyed being so much a part of helping out & working with him on the free host
http://4freetgp.com , anyway.. this should help with sorting out my problems & issues.. I am still selling my computer.. I need as much $$ as I can get to help me with finding a home, etc.. I am guessing I'll have anywhere from $600 - $700 by end of next week.. I am gonna hitchhike to massachusetts to try & talk to my wife & tell her I love her, & tell her I am done with porn.. I hope I can convince her that she & my daughters mean so much to me.. hopefully I can pawn the computer,,. need to figure how to get to a pawn shop with no car.. Hopefully I can come up with $1500 or a bit more to work with & I can definately find a home with that I think.. My hopes are that, once my wife see's that I found us a home, no longer do porn & have real job... probably as a security guard in malden.... she'll feel better & we can work this out together..