supposedly to drive my wife & daughter to my wifes parents house.. I'd call them, but they got a new number & it's unpublished..... well, today I got in the mail, a letter from family court.. decree of temporary guardianship of a minor.. & it says the court granted my mom custody of my youngest daughter til july 8th.. that's bullshit... so, I got that, & the restraining order.. But it don't say anything about my other daughter, & it dont say anything about my wife.. I dont know if my wife went along with this, or if she is with my mom, or if she was threatened & forced to go along or what.. I don't know anything at all... For all I know, maybe my wife's at her parents house still, & maybe my wifes taking a flipping fit over what my mother's done? I don't know.. cuz I have no way to reach them?? When they left.. my wife said she'd be home tuesday.. but she's still not home.. I dont know if she went to my moms or not.. I dont know if my mother meddled in our relationship & threatened her, or not?? Maybe she's at her parents house upset because she knows something I don't.. I dont know what's going on??... I really wish my wife was here with me so we can discuss a plan or something... I am stranded here... before all this happened over the weekend, my wife & I discussed, once we have our youngest daughter back, that we would move somewhere & not have contact with my mom.... we didnt know where we were going to, but we had some plans.. now all our plans are fucked up because my mother is a control freak.... I shouldve called the cops when I had the chance.. but just didnt feel right doing that to my own mother.. now, I dont know what to do.. I could call the cops & have her arrested for kidnapping & tell them what happened , but.. if my wife's there with her, then that wont fly..I just dont know what's going on.. I am so confused.. Now, I feel angry & pissed off more than I do hurt.. Now I know what the restraining order & this other paper is all about.. it looks like she's trying to save her own ass & try to prevent me from calling the police & having her arrested for kidnapping.. that's exactly what I think... but.. if my wife & other daughter are there with her, I assume my mother started with her violent temper & controlling bullshit again, & probably threatened her, & or manipulated her & twisted her mind convincing her to go along with it.. (My wife's not too bright & not really good at making the right decision while under pressure or during chrisis)....then again.. maybe she's still in salem, with her parents.. I doubt it..I really doubt it.. My mother just wants control over my child.. I hate her... I can't stand that woman.. growing up with that woman was more than I could stand.. she's a cold hearted, evil control freak, an abusive monster with a severe alchohol & drug problem. & I do NOT want my daughter to be with her........
Well.. I've made a decision.. I got a letter from the cable company.. my internet gets shut off on the 15th.. anyway.. I gotta get the fuck out of here.. east bumfuck, & I decided that I am going to go to the north shore, salem, paebody, etc.. to be close to my wife's parents & near jobs & public transportation.....
I suppose alot of stuff can be left behind.. but I dont want to leave my little girls toys behind.. poor kid's been through enough loss.. it makes me cry to think of how my little girl's been through so much shit this past year.. so.. last 5 or so months, everything was good, now all this shit & my poor baby's gotta suffer & lose her toys again.. also, she is more attached to me, than she is with her mom.. my oldest daughter has a stronger bond with me than she does with her mom.. & I don't want my baby to be hurting..also, I also have a bond with her, & can't bear to be away from her.... I really hate being stranded up here with no people to talk to face to face... anyway,, Ideally my goal would be to find a home for my family.. a 2 bedroom, or 3 bedroom somewhere in the vicinity of my wife's family.. then try to contact my wife to come home & then fight my mother in court,, BUT.. porn can not be part of my life while this is going on.. How will I explain this to the court? My wife knows I make porn sites, mom knows, my wifes parents know.. cuz my wife complains to them about it.. I'm sure many of you may have been that route.. "All he does is sit on that damn computer looking at porn".. I try to explain to them that it's business...a business that can be very lucrative & profitable if I approach it in the right direction... but none of them understand.. they all say, fuck that bullshit.. & say things like, "You cant make $$ on the net", "Get a real job" etc, etc,.........
well, I know what some of my options are, but due to my emotional state of worry & fear & despair, I am feeling indecisive...
Redshift, & hyper both offered assistance in locating the rear end I need to get my car running.. so, I have the choice to repair that car... that I love so much.. the car's engine & tranny are perfect.. it's a low mileage car & will get me where ever I need to go.. It'll be very reliable once it's fixed.. so.. I can accept the help from hyper, or redshift & get the rear end & fix the car myself if I have to.. & then go from there to look for place to live & jobs.. the car certainly would make life a whole lot easier & less frustrating as I forsee alot of moving around to places that are far.. like court in plymouth, & to job where ever that will be, & to drive around to different towns looking for room or apartment, & to whatever services I may need to go to, to seek help with this dilemma.... anyway.. I can get the car fixed.. drive back here to maine.. put whatever fits into it & go.. at least I can sleep in the car if I need to.. It's a big ass car.. I can also use the car to drive to the pawn shop to sell my computer... I'd hate to give up on this biz because I learned alot & I do have determination to succeed, just lacked a plan, or focus....
I still have the $300 I got, plus my friend from toronto who I designed his website for free host is sending a check to me for the help I put in to help him with his free host.. & sleazydream icq'd me & offered some assistance.. & with my $50 coming some time soon from nastydollars & freenetpass.. that, I hope would be enough to start on the car.. I hope.. I don't know how much is coming in, but it's safe to guess between $500 & $550 is what I'll have to work with.. I don't know how much I'll need to spend for shipping costs for the parts if Hyper or Redshoe find them, but, I guess this would cover it.... I love that car, & put alot of time, effort & money into it & would hate to give it up & lose it, but..
my other option is to just find a single room.. then bust my ass at 2 or 3 jobs & save $$$ to get real apartment....
see, this is why I want to sell my computer, & whatever I can.. so things can get done faster.. I'd like to find a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment & a job, & be able to walk into court on april 23 & tell them that my mothers crazy & is just making up excuses so she can keep my kid... Of course she dont want the baby to be homeless.. I dont have a problem with that.. but, it does look like she's purposelessly making it difficult for me to get her back...
I wouldve thought her sitting down & having a chat with me, & say something like.. Well, I think it's a good idea that she stay with me til you get on your feet, & I woulda been fine with that.. but ever since december she's been using april 15th & moving out & not knowing where we're moving to as her excuse for keeping her.....
anyway.. If I can sell the computer, & whatever else.. I am trying to come up with at least $1000 to be left over after whatever I need to invsest into getting my car back on the road.. My registration expired.. gotta renew it.. thank lord I don't need insurance since I still am legally considered a new hampshire resident & not maine or mass
The car would make life less difficult & easier to deal with & get ahead.. & if I have $1000 left over, I am hoping I can find suitable living arrangements for my family & I & get everything in order.. & I will try for that security job.. malden is close to salem, peabody, etc.. & if my car's on the road again, that'll insure getting me there & being a dependable employee....
so, I guess first thing I want to do, is concentrate on my car getting fixed, or finding another vehicle.. then I can move onto the next step with a little more ease & feel a little more confident & assured of success.... well, I need to go for a walk & think things over, & go to the store.. I'll be back in 4 hours or so.. it's a long walk from here.... for those of you who wanted details of the se traffic from the subdomains, I'll prepare a page for you to view stats, etc.... Hungry.. I'll work on what we discussed, but I am running out of time,,, internet is gone on the 15th, & I also need to try & finish one other project.. I have an obligation to finish something I was working on for someone else.. & If I can finish that withing the next 2 days, that'll be perfect & would put some more $$ in my pocket...
I'll talk later... I need to walk & think.. I am confused & don't know where to begin to start.. sorry for the ramble on..