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okay...I haven't even read the whole of this thread but I will say this:
A serious fuck you to anyone that would question how much I am hurting right now.
Secondly..I have NEVER hidden on this or any other board that I had a somewhat open marriage. NO ONE - and I mean NO ONE ever ever got my heart, my soul, my mind like Marc . However, we did have a play partner that was very close to me as a friend.
Now, I don't smoke, I have never done a drug and I barely ever drink. Sex is my therapy. The 20th was my birthday and I needed human contact. I spent the morning opening gifts marc had wrapped for me and frankly it was my lowest day since all of this happened. Now, my friend came over to check on me just as any friend would and he calmed me down.
I know for a FACT that Marc would have wanted me to have someone hold me and pleasure me and that it was someone that cared about me (not love..cared) would have made him feel better to. This friend 'with benefits', as I call it, has been my life support for the past month. He has stayed up all night with me when I thought I might not make it through the night. He is the one that had to dry my tears from his shoulder AND he is the one person I have talked to over the last month that knows the total real me...ie my parents and sister were great but don't know that side of my life. So, I let him go down on me when he saw I needed the contact,the release and to feel something other than pain.
You know, I had sex..I didn't make love and yes there is a damn difference. I don't know if I will ever get to make love again but I needed to feel something 'real'. Some people right now would slit their wrists. I needed an orgasm - the first i have had since this happened btw because I couldn't even touch myself without wanting to vomit until that point.
Wanna call me a slut? Fine but we work in the fecking sex industry. Not all of us live the same kind of sex life. Obviously I had no reason to think it was something wrong or I wouldn't have posted in that thread.
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