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You look for trouble you're going to find it.
I say you two take off from swinging and including others in your personal life and put for 100% of your effort into reconnecting, be honest and bet back in touch - remember why you love one another and forget everyone else. Give it 6 months and consider consuling. Obviously neither of you are secure enough in your relationship to continue any swinging soft or hard and that's not a bad thing - it's natural. We want to protect our own. But over the long term it could be a recipe for disaster. Set new rules for any future curiousities you may want to satisfy and never let anything happen unless the other person is there - if you can't handle seeing it in front of your face you can't handle it happening behind your back. Take a step back and fall back in love with one another first. People change over time and being married you always want to know that you always come first on the other persons list.
Be safe.
Cynd
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