Happy Hannukah!
Some wisdom from your favorite Aunt.
AUNT IDA'S RULES FOR LIVING:
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1. Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
2. If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
3. The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.
4. And what's wrong with dry turkey?
5. A good kugle sinks in mercury.
6. Pork is forbidden, but a pig in a blanket makes a nice hors
d'oeuvre.
7. Always whisper the names of diseases.
8. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
9. Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
10. A bad matzoth ball makes a good paperweight.
11. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
12. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten
only in Chinese restaurants.
13. If you are going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud
enough for everyone else to hear.
14. No meal is complete without leftovers.
15. The only good thing more important than a good education is a
good parking spot at the mall.
16. WASPs leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never
leave.
17. Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of
Milk of Magnesia.
18. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
19. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after, how about a nice cruise?
20. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami.
LAST, BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST:
Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating
dinner at four in the afternoon.
Mmmm....latkes.....
