About 3 years ago one of my girlfriends calls me up and she's laughing so hard she can barely speak. She goes on to tell me that the night before her husband gets in bed and after a few minutes he tells her, "I have some really bad news and I've been debating on whether I should tell you or not." He then says that he thinks he may have cancer and that he's made an appointment with the doctor to be checked. She asks him where and he says, "in my butt." She flips out and is trying to figure out what's going on. Long story short, he finally lets her see it and it's a hemorrhoid.
A tree had fallen in their yard and he had chopped it up and moved it, and apparently the straining from that had caused it, but he didn't know what it was.
Naturally he swore her to secrecy about it, but of course she told me and a couple more of our other girlfriends. To this day it's one of those inside joke things that makes us laugh until we almost piss ourselves. We can be anywhere, doing anything, and one of us will suddenly say, "I think I have ass cancer" and we all lose it.