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SleazeQueen · 12-01-2004, 11:21 AM

Sarah -

I've been offline a lot lately working on other stuff and recovering from traveling to see family. I didn't see this until just this morning.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I know what you're going through. I lost my fiance to cancer back in 1993. I was 26 years old and I had no idea what was going to happen to my life. He was my whole world and helping him through three years of cancer brought us very close together.

His death was very difficult for me and I remember posting a lot of the same words you have, but mine were on Compuserve. I remember just being totally numb during all the arrangements, his cremation and the memorial. After that things got really dark in my life. I was all alone in the world and everyone I thought was there to support me were suddenlyl gone or turned against me. His family threw me out of my house, my family had other issues with my sister and turned their backs on me, people I thought were my friends were too uncomfortable with the idea of death and walked away. I was terrified.

What ended up getting me through the first few weeks were my online friends on Compuserve. I had one friend in Virginia (I was in California) who called me every morning and made sure I got up and dressed and had a plan for the day. It was hard for me to focus on anything, but they kept me motivated, got me out to interview for a new job and helped me while I moved away from everything I had built with Mark. It easily could have destroyed me and some days I think it almost did. But being able to turn to my friends online made it possible.

My long winded point is that you have a HUGE resource of people who care about you here. I hope you don't hesitate to lean on them if you need support. It's a lonely, bumpy road it you let it be. I wish you the best of luck and let me know if I can help you with any words of encouragement or advice based on my experiences.

Sonya

12-01-2004, 11:21 AM
SleazeQueen Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Western WA Posts: 634	Sarah - I've been offline a lot lately working on other stuff and recovering from traveling to see family. I didn't see this until just this morning. I'm so sorry for your loss and I know what you're going through. I lost my fiance to cancer back in 1993. I was 26 years old and I had no idea what was going to happen to my life. He was my whole world and helping him through three years of cancer brought us very close together. His death was very difficult for me and I remember posting a lot of the same words you have, but mine were on Compuserve. I remember just being totally numb during all the arrangements, his cremation and the memorial. After that things got really dark in my life. I was all alone in the world and everyone I thought was there to support me were suddenlyl gone or turned against me. His family threw me out of my house, my family had other issues with my sister and turned their backs on me, people I thought were my friends were too uncomfortable with the idea of death and walked away. I was terrified. What ended up getting me through the first few weeks were my online friends on Compuserve. I had one friend in Virginia (I was in California) who called me every morning and made sure I got up and dressed and had a plan for the day. It was hard for me to focus on anything, but they kept me motivated, got me out to interview for a new job and helped me while I moved away from everything I had built with Mark. It easily could have destroyed me and some days I think it almost did. But being able to turn to my friends online made it possible. My long winded point is that you have a HUGE resource of people who care about you here. I hope you don't hesitate to lean on them if you need support. It's a lonely, bumpy road it you let it be. I wish you the best of luck and let me know if I can help you with any words of encouragement or advice based on my experiences. Sonya __________________ Bush can no more fire Rove than Charlie McCarthy could fire Edgar Bergen.