My dad passed away when I was 12 - the last time I saw him 'alive' was when they brought him up from the stairs he had fallen. With 3 cracks in his skull and after a week in a coma, 'family' judged I was too young to see him that way so I wasn't allowed to visit him before he died. I never got to say goodbye - the last time I saw him I was just yelling in fear and for standersby to get an ambulance.
My ex-father-in-law passed away a few weeks ago and if there is one man who truly took over the fatherly duties, it was him. The one sad thing was that when my son's stepmom told me he wasn't feeling well, I foretold what was going to happen - yet I didn't insist on going and see him before he passed (they wanted him to rest because they believed he would be ok) This hurt very much but on the same note, I'm happy he went quick and didn't suffer.
The only chance I got to say goodbye was 6 years ago when my uncle had cancer and was on his deathbed & I got a chance to talk to him on the phone. My family isn't very lovey-dovey in the sense that you hardly hear anyone tell the other they love them (except with the grandkids now) - yet my uncle and I had a 20 minute conversation where he promised to look out for us from wherever this journey would take him and we made it a point to tell eachother how important we were to one another. To finish that call, it was kind of like letting go a boat by releasing the rope. He told me how much he loved me & brought back intricate details of things I would never have thought my uncle would have even taken notice yet he did and we were reminiscing on some great funny family moments. I got to thank him for being there for my mom & my family when my dad passed and for always being such a giving man to everyone & most importantly, I told him I loved him and although I was sad to see him go, I knew he was tired of suffering and for this, I suffered much more. He passed on the next morning.
Quite frankly, of all the deaths, the one where I got the chance to let it go and got my moment to say goodbye, was the one that hurt less.
Thunder - I'm very sorry for your loss - I don't know if I'd be strong enough to recover if something would happen to my kids.
