Quote:
Originally posted by wyldblyss
Tam, I have tears in my eyes here, not because I pity you but because I admire you and I know personally the hell you went through and the strength it taught you. Your childhood was similar to mine. I had a drunken father that I tried to care for....it was my mother though that was the abusive one. We both had choices, to let it destroy us, or to let us make us stronger. I am glad that both you and I decided to let it make us stronger. We are survivors and we both know in the end, we can get through anything. We might experience hell for a bit, but we know there is nothing this world can throw at us that is worse than what we have survived already.
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Actually, I don't remember it much, but was told by family members that my mother was very physically abusive to me when I was in the area of 1-3. I KNOW she was extremely emotionally abusive to me until I was 32 when I finally broke down about it. When he kicked her out when I was 7, I never seen her again til I was 17, and when I went to try and make a life with her, that was almost if not more hell than with my dad. She let me know in NO uncertain terms that she didn't wish to be bothered by the problems I faced as a child, OR as an adult. She once called my husband's mom and told her that I wasn't fit to raise kids and that I was abusive, which I wasn't....... my mother in law didn't hesitate to hate her and wish to get me away from them forever, and to keep MY kids away from them.
As for what my feelings are about my dad now? They are nonexistant..... seriously. I didn't think about him with anything but hatred for many years. The last time I seen him, I was pregnant with my 4th child and he was being abusive to two of MY kids, that's what ripped it for me, I will NOT tolerate anyone doing this to MY kids... so that was it for me. He and my brother, who has chosen the easy way out and developed JUST like my dad, were trying to have my kids taken away. But it backfired and THEY nearly got arrested, that was the last time I seen either and I don't even think about them as being a part of my life or my kids lives anymore.
The last time I talked to my mom was 8 years ago and her words to me in the middle of MY breakdown were "I'd rather be dead than to have to deal with you and your problems" and that's it for me, never seen or talked to her again either. Naturally I had questions about my childhood in trying to figure out where everything went wrong, and she couldn't be bothered with me and my issues....... she had another kid and marriage and life and didn't wish to deal with me. All I wanted was to get to where the family breakdown was so I didn't make the same mistakes...... but she wasn't to be bothered by it.
YES, it has made me stronger, it's made me a fighter and made me know what's right and not always to take the easy way out, taking the easy way would have been to follow the family traditions and I refused to do this. THANK GOD for my wonderful husband and his parents, because without them, I am 200% convinced I would not be here today.... so YES, I literally owe these people my life.