Okay. For a fellow Tennessean.
If you have any problems with depression, DEAL WITH THAT FIRST. The fat is just a symptom, not the problem. If you haven't any issues with depression, do this:
Eat whatever you want. I don't give a FUCK what it is. Eat it.
I'm serious.
The catch is twofold: first and foremost, moderation is KEY. Did you know that the human stomach is only supposed to hold about 12 ounces of food at a time? That's why it HURTS to overeat or binge. Think Thanksgiving. Ugh.
You want to get back into the swing of only letting your tummy hold that 12 ounces. Use tablespoons instead of the bigger kitchen spoons when dishing up your dinner/lunch/breakfast. ONE tablespoon of each veggie, and only about 6 ounces (a deck of cards or a half a chicken breast) of meat. It may not look like a lot to you, but there's plenty there.
SET YOUR FORK DOWN BETWEEN BITES. Seriously. It takes your body about 20 minutes to register a "full" feeling. Give your body the time time register it. Talk to your family over dinner, setting the fork down between bites, chewing thoroughly, and actually enjoying your food. If you feel full, STOP EATING. Fuck the whole "clean plate" bullshit. If you're still hungry after eating, don't automatically go back for more. Chances are your body just hasn't yet registered that there's food in there to work with. Give it about 5 or 10 minutes, and if you still feel a bit hungry, have another tablespoon of something. Do NOT take this as an excuse to pig out.
Have something to drink in your hand all day. Diet cola, water (best option), juice, tea (unsweetened...sweeten with splenda) are all good options. If you've always got something to drink at hand, your body doesn't feel hungry until you're actually hungry. Besides, it helps to flush your system, which will get rid of the water weight and help the fat to more easily be shed.
Phase Two: GET UP OFF YOUR ASS. Even if you're not lazy, get up and do more than usual. Walk the dogs, walk the kids, walk the husband, (maybe all at the same time), use the stairs instead of elevators, find an exercise routine you actually like and can live with doing on a regular basis. The more calories you use, the less you'll weigh because by retraining your body to feel full on 12 ounces of food at a time, you're restricting calories naturally.
Listen to your body. If it tells you that a salad sounds really good, have a salad. If it tells you that some chocolate would kick ass, have a piece or two of chocolate. (This one is tricky: Try the snack size bars of chocolate and limit yourself to TWO a day. Have the husband hide it and only dole out 2 pieces in the mornings if you have to.) Usually when your body gets cravings, it means that it wants/needs certain nutrients that are in the food you're craving. Eat some. It won't kill you.
Last but not least, for fuck's sake, STOP DIETING. You're already on a diet. Everything you eat is a part of your daily diet. Dieting to lose weight is what's making us fat to begin with, and yo-yos are toys. Eat what you want in moderation and get up off your ass. It may not be quick loss, but it's damn well a stop to the yo-yoing. Once your body hits its own comfortable weight, you'll stop losing altogether. (This will depend on your body chemistry and genetics. Some of us are born to be a size 6 and some of us are born to be a size 14. I'm closer to the 14ish.)
It's about attitude and determination and realizing that you don't have to give up a goddamn thing to lose the weight and keep it off. Moderate and exercise. Good luck.
