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Bama · 02-01-2002, 01:41 AM

Mid-life Issues For Women

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream "Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!"

Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks??"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can still retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally...more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

02-01-2002, 01:41 AM
Bama Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Redmond, WA Posts: 2,727	Midlife Issues Mid-life Issues For Women Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film. Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream "Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!" Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones. Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks??" In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can still retain is water. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally...more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin. Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?