COMMENTARY
When Really Bad Pop Stars Go Really Bad
The Cat Stevens threat looms.
By Andy Borowitz, Andy Borowitz is author of "The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers," to be published in October by Simon & Schuster.
Hours after being refused entry into the U.S., 1970s recording star Cat Stevens lashed out at the government Wednesday, vowing to resume his recording career "immediately" as the ultimate act of revenge.
Appearing on the Arabic-language satellite TV channel Al Jazeera, a visibly angry Stevens - now known by the name Yusuf Islam - threatened to attack the United States with the full force of his insipid folk-rock music.
Brandishing an acoustic guitar, the erstwhile pop star warned that "no one in America would be safe from my insidious melodies" before launching into a spirited rendition of his 1971 hit "Peace Train."
A spokesman for the CIA said experts needed more time to study the chilling video but that it appeared to be authentic: "We do not believe that anyone but the real Cat Stevens remembers the lyrics to 'Peace Train.' "
On the campaign trail, Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry blasted President Bush for the Cat Stevens incident, saying Bush's reckless actions had resuscitated an irritating singer's long-dormant recording career.
"When George Bush took office, Cat Stevens was not a threat," Kerry told a rally in Akron, Ohio. "Through a successful policy of containment, his music had mainly been limited to classic rock stations. But now, thanks to George Bush's misguided decision to provoke Cat Stevens, we may be subjected to renditions of 'Morning Has Broken' and 'Moonshadow' and 'Wild World' for years to come."
Aides to Kerry passed out lyrics of songs by Stevens, including this one from 1970: "I wish I knew, I wish I knew; what makes me, me, and what makes you, you. It's just another point of view, ooo. A state of mind I'm going through."
For his part, Bush defended the decision, telling a Denver audience, "Cat Stevens is the first front in the war on terror, with Seals and hahahahaha a close second."
***
Link to piece:
http://www.latimes.com/news/printedi...,3040354.story
