My deepest condolences
A close friend of mine took his life almost 4 years ago. He was brilliant, sensitive, kind, funny. One of those uber-intellectuals. The year leading up to his decision to take his life was a tough one -- I thought he was suffering from a nervous breakdown or a major depression. It was much more serious then that I later found out.
He was losing his mind -- the thing he valued the most about himself. I think that in a moment of lucidity he decided that if he couldn't control his mind fully that life wasn't worth living. He drowned himself.
Anger, frustration, confusion, incredible sadness -- I think you run the gamut of emotions dealing with suicide. Eventually I let go of the anger and accepted that it was his choice no matter how selfish I thought it was. I have a lot of his books on my bookshelf -- he loved books. They're filled with his notes and thoughts jotted into the margins. Brings me a lot of comfort to have those here.