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Here's a couple from my own personal public washroom repertoire:
THE BALANCING ACT:
The act of trying to hover your ass over the toilet at just the perfect level... not so high as to shit down your leg or fall over, but never so low as to actually come into contact with the toilet. Just think about all those other guys' hairy asses that have been sitting there, not to mention all the people that have pissed on it. I find it works best if you imagine the toilet seat is electrified.
THE COMPROMISE (AKA THE LESSER EVIL):
Half way through your shit you realize there is not enough toilet paper left to do a decent job. Now you have to undertake the delicate task of portioning out the remaining TP. Too little at a time, and you get feces on your hands. But if you waste too much of your precious remaining resource at once, you risk stained underwear. This technique can take years to master.
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