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I've been running softcore free modelling sites for 6 years now. To my way of thinking, the term 'hardcore' implies anything that is explicitly sexual. A lone girl shoving a toy or cucumber up her fun shute is hardcore. A BJ is certainly hardcore, and yes, so is a hand job.
Sofcore, to my knowledge, includes nude modelling, nude posing, g/g or b/g content that shows nothing explicit... as in, the sex is implied, penetration isn't shown. Lots of late night TV movies contain quite a bit of softcore these days.
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