ClamSmacker

1- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

2- Your orgasms are real. Always.

3- Your last name stays put.

4- The garage is all yours.

5- Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7- Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

9- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10- Same work, more pay.

11- Wrinkles add character.

12- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13- Wedding dress $2,000.00; Tux rental $100.00

14- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17- One mood, all the damn time.

18- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19- A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.

20- You can open all your own jars.

21- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22- Your underwear is $10.00 for a three-pack.

23- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

24- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

25- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "he must be mad at me".

27- No maxi-pads.

28- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

31- You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

33- Your belly usually hides your big hips.

34- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

35- You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

36- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

37- The world is your urinal.