I'm not sure what the big deal is. I personally will hand pick some sites, check all of the links and send a personalized email to someone, address them by name if I know it, point out what I liked about their site, explain mine.... possibly see if they want a trade, leave my contact info and leave a special PS letting them know they are NOT on a mailing list and will not be contacted again unless they are interested in doing business. I keep a list so that I never email the same person twice. Granted, I only do this a few times a week for sites I come across I really like.... I don't think I'm spamming though.
I used to get a few 100 "do you want a bigger penis Jennifer" emails a day. Now, THAT used to piss me off. 1. I don't have a penis 2. I don't want to enlarge a penis I don't have. 3. I would get 20 copies of the exact same mail.... That is what I think of as offensive and annoying.