How many men does it take to please a woman?
Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.
What do you tell a women with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice.
How long does it take a woman to clean the toilet?
Who cares, as long as dinner is on the table by 6.
Why did the women cross the road ?
Never mind that, what the hell is she doing out the kitchen.
Why do women eat so much during pregnacy?
Because its the only time to have a good excuse to be fat.
What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her in the butt.
The definition of the 90's woman:
She works 90 hours a week, earns $90,000 a year and thinks that "Screwing" and "Cooking" are outer provinces of China.
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Why did god give women legs ?
So that they can walk from the bedroom to the kitchen.
What is the difference between a smart woman and Bigfoot ?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
What do you do when a woman throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Oh and yes I actually DO get laid from time to time
