Ok this owns
taken from
http://www.pornblography.com/daily_grind/
INT. DRESSING ROOM ? DAY
The beautiful KELLY ERICSON sits in the makeup chair and dutifully reads over the script for a movie that she thinks will be her star-making vehicle. She thumbs through the massive tome of about one hundred pages until she is suddenly interrupted by her co-star RON JEREMY.
KELLY
(To herself, very dramatic
Benjamin, I?m afraid that the secret you have stumbled on to is not that my heart belongs to another man... my heart belongs to my passion for feeding orphaned Albino children in remote regions of Eastern Europe. I?m so sorry that you had to find out this way....
She is interrupted by RON.
RON
Very nice Kelly. Very nice. Is that scene 84b?
KELLY
Yeah. It?s one of my favorites. What a screenplay. This is the movie that will elevate me to the stratosphere. These next two months are going to be unforgettable. You must be so excited to be given the chance to direct something so important
RON searches for the right way to inform KELLY of some bad news.
RON
(Hesitant)
Right... Actually Kelly, I was just chatting with the producer and it seems that the studio has cut the budget a little bit... Production is going to fall a little short of two months..
KELLY
What do you mean? How much shorter and how much of a budget cut?
RON
(Rambling)
Well... let?s see. There?s sixty two days in two months.. unless of course one of the months is September which has only 30 days... you know the old saying ?30 days have September...?
KELLY
Quit stalling, Ronnie.
RON
Right... well, ahh... actually production is now two days and the 2.2 million dollar budget has been trimmed to about 22 grand...but we?re gonna get a huge piece of the back end!!!
KELLY
The only huge back end here belongs to you Ronnie. We can?t do this script in two days!!!
RON
Sure we can honey. We just have to skip to the highlights.
RON takes the script from her.
RON (CONT?D)
This can stay... this can go... this can stay... this can go.... this can definitely go...
RON haphazardly rips pages from the script and KELLY puts her head in her hands.
FADE TO:
INT. LIVINGROOM - DAY X1 (MARK WOOD - BRITANY SPEERS)
RON assembles his cast and crew for the days first shot. In the room we find the CAMERAMAN, several peons milling about, an actor playing the role of BENJAMIN, and KELLY.
RON
Okay. Places everyone. Scene 84b take one and ACTION.
RON walks out of frame.
BENJAMIN
(to Kelly)
How could you. I found out about all of your mysterious trips to Eastern Europe. Your travel agent has loose lips. What?s his name, dammit!!!
KELLY
Benjamin, I?m afraid that the secret you have stumbled on to is not that my heart belongs to another man.... my heart belongs to....
RON enters frame and interrupts. He has a girl on his arm.
RON
Sorry Kelly. Sorry. I forgot to tell you that we dropped the whole albino orphan thing. We?re skipping ahead to the part where Benjamin falls in love with the travel agent who squealed on you.
KELLY
..but..
RON
Actually, you?re no longer needed for this scene Hun. How?s about getting me a piece of lasagna from the craft service table.
KELLY storms off.
RON (CONT?D)
...and ACTION...
BENJAMIN
I could never compete with those albino orphans. Ophelia I feel that it was destiny that brought us together.
TRAVEL AGENT
Benjamin, from the moment I laid....
RON interrupts again.
RON
...um Guys.... We?re on a schedule. Just skip ahead to the part where you fuck, okay?
BENJAMIN shrugs his shoulders as if to say ?whatever?. He and the TRAVEL AGENT embrace each other, RON grins and exits and the SCENARIO UNFOLDS.
FADE OUT.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY X-2 (DAVIS, BRITTNEY SKYE, LONI)
RON instructing cast and crew as to the task at hand for the next scene. KELLY stands by his side. Two female actors and one male actor stand just off screen.
RON
Okay Kelly. This is the scene where you first meet Benjamin in that seedy hotel where he confesses to you about his womanizing and his drug problem. You instantly fall in love with him and vow to put him on the right path. Benjamin come over here.
A brand new actor portraying Benjamin enters the scene. We?ll call him BENJAMIN 2.
KELLY
Who the hell is this?
RON
We couldn?t afford to keep the other Benjamin on the project. This guy?s better looking and half the price.
KELLY
(to Benjamin2)
Do you have any acting experience?
BENJAMIN2
I acted surprised at a birthday party once.
RON
You?ll do just fine. Anyhow, in the original script we flash back and forth between his heartfelt confession and his sordid past. Unfortunately now we only have time for his sordid past.
KELLY
So he doesn?t break down and cry in my arms?
RON
No... actually he falls on to the bed with a bottle of Thunderbird and two hookers. We don?t actually need you for this scene honey. Why not cut me a piece of cheesecake from the desert tray?
KELLY storms off again.
RON (CONT?D)
Places everyone, and ACTION!!!
RON exits. BENJAMIN2 enters with HOOKER#1 and HOOKER#2. He takes one last hit from his 99cent bottle of wine and the SCENARIO UNFOLDS.
FADE OUT.
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT X-3 (KELLY, JEWEL)
RON explains the situation for the next scene. KELLY draws a bath while the CAMERAMAN sets up his shot.
RON
Okay baby. This is the scene before you meet BENJAMIN when you?re still living with your lesbian roommate in Manhattan. In the original script you fantasize about what it might be like to have another woman?s lips pressed against your love tunnel but ummm.....
KELLY
But umm what?!!!
RON
Well, the producers thought that since we had limited time and budget that the point would come across more effectively if another woman?s lips were pressed against your love tunnel.
KELLY
...but Ronnie. I?m an actress!
RON
Yeah, and I?m an aerobics instructor. Bring in the lesbian please.
LESBIAN enters.
RON (CONT?D)
Kelly, this is your lesbian roommate. Lesbian roommate, this is your Kelly. We?re gonna have Kelly draw a bath for herself and you?re gonna sneak up on her and take care of business okay?
LESBIAN
Are you sure the Screen Actors Guild is gonna be okay with this?
RON
Honey, I spoke to them personally. They?re all very excited for you. Roll tape!!! Action!!!!
SCENARIO UNFOLDS
FADE OUT.
INT. DRESSING ROOM ? DAY
RONNIE drops a bombshell on KELLY. A MAKEUP artist dabs at her face.
RON
Okay sweetie. The next scene is the movie finale. You and Benjamin reconcile after your return from Tajekstan, you settle down in the suburbs and adopt an albino orphan named Pinky.
KELLY
I?ve been studying this scene for weeks. We pledge our undying devotion and make love for the first time. The new guy playing Benjamin is quite handsome too. This oughta be fun.
RON
...umm.. actually, we lost that guy to a carpet store commercial. He obviously didn?t know a good thing when he saw it but not to worry, I know this scene like I know the super value menu at Mickey D?s. We?re gonna be great baby.... except I think we need to cut out the part about pledging our undying devotion and all that nonsense and skip right to the making love for the first time.
KELLY
(Angry)
That?s it!!!! I refuse to part with the last ounce of dignity I possess!!! I?d sooner masturbate with a belt sander than have sex with you in front of a camera!!!