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I think you're worrying too much about the small stuff. Members want to see everything & as long as you're putting up large (800X600 & up) pics, they won't care if the odd few are cropped differently & are smaller.
I used Photoshop for my galleries for years & recently switched to Arles which is much faster. She probably wants to make galleries by hand right now...but when you're updating a couple of times a week & answering member requests & building traffic & doing cam shows...you run out of time pretty quickly & it's a total pain in the ass.
As far as softcore vs. hardcore, like Jen said, it's all in your traffic. If you shoot a couple of hardcore sets & use those ones for galleries but your tour is softcore, your conversions will suck. For the ones who *do* sign up, they'll either demand more hardcore or cancel right away.
If she's mostly comfortable with softcore, stick with softcore & sign up for traffic trades/friends pages with like minded sites.
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